Chuck and Blair: From the Beginning
by peterpanda94
Summary: Chuck and Blair have always been the best of friends, but now it seems as though they have more than they thought. A closer look into the lives of our favorite Upper East Siders. Chuck/Blair centric. Show-based, with minor changes and side-plots/stories.
1. Intro: Gossip Girl

Intro

_Gossip Girl here. Your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite. This is the site about you, for you, and by you. You do all the work, I do all the reporting. Still don't know what I'm talking about? I'll fill you in. We live in Manhattan. We're the top of the food chain, the crème-de-la-crème of even the most elite families in the world. Now and again, you see celebrities in the newspaper, stumbling out of clubs and smoking weed. But we aren't celebrities. We're so much better. Because we're the ones who made those celebrities famous._

_Our ladies fit into that dress you couldn't fit into at Bendels, or even better, they privately order it from the designer himself. Our gentlemen are heirs to the most profitable companies in the world. We are the world's elite._

_But there comes a time every so often where a scandal breaks loose in our world. No, our scandals are nothing like the ones you see from celebrities who have 2 illegitimate children. Our scandals are so much more delicious. We're more beautiful, rich, and thin than the rest of you. It's like a glorified version of your scandal, served right to you on a plate. So sit back and enjoy!_

_Xoxo_

_Gossip Girl_


	2. The Beginning

Chapter 1 (Pilot)

Sitting on the couch surrounded by girls. It's how he'd always lived his life…

Chuck Bass sat on the couch dreading the very moment when someone would come along and deflate his incredible high. Life just couldn't get any better than this. Alcohol, sex, girls. What more could a man need?

_Ah, we'll get to that, now won't we?_

Chuck was about five foot six, and he was undeniably handsome. He was that kind of aftershave commercial handsome; the bad boy. He had deep brown, almost black eyes that scorched whenever he was up to trouble. Chuck was the kind of person who was rich in an arrogant way and loved to show it off. He wore all designer clothes, though the only monogrammed thing he wore was his signature scarf. His Italian shoes were always highly polished and his cuffs were always clean, only in the literal sense. Chuck's hair waved back effortlessly. In fact, it looked like he put absolutely no time into his hair, it just naturally looked that good. His voice was a deep, seductive sound that always lured the strongest girls into bed with him. It was no wonder that he'd slept with nearly all the girls in Manhattan. Chuck always enjoyed a good party. And Blair's parties were always the best. That would be disregarding his own of course.

Her parties were always uptight and formal, everyone there always eating hors-d'oeuvres and sipping cocktails daintily, afraid that their fellow Upper East Siders may think they were pigs or budding alcoholics. Ha. As if anyone in this room was possibly imperfect. _At least on the outside_, Chuck thought smugly. He knew the inner workings of his perfectly imperfect little circle. He knew a lot more than anyone knew and he wasn't going to let on anytime soon. He felt like he was saving all the information just for the right moment.

_Or the right girl…_

But despite the seemingly stiff surroundings, Chuck never failed to enjoy himself at Blair's parties. It was an indescribable feeling, walking through her door, riding up the elevator to her penthouse, and when he got to the very top, walking out and seeing that she was there, waiting just for him. Whether it was a make-up check, emotional support, or help with an outfit, Chuck never failed to help Blair. And the way her face lighted up, he felt like he was the only man on the planet. Every day he marveled at how he could have possibly deserved a friend like this. He was her opposite, rude in every manner and gesture. She was prim and proper, afraid to let loose. He remembered the day he had met her. It seemed like so long ago…

--

_Blair tried again. She wasn't just going to give up! She was Blair Cornelia Waldorf and she could climb on the monkey bars just like that little boy who had so easily flown across the bars, his strong arms propelling him to the other side._

"_Come on. Are you going to do it or not?" the boy asked, rubbing his green eyes tiredly, already growing bored with the little girl who was standing with her hands on the bars, very close to falling off the dock and climbing across the monkey bars._

_Blair stared down at her poufy dress, wondering how she had gotten into this situation. That little boy had charmed her right off her feet, and then he had flown across the monkey bars. He had insisted she do the same, not stopping to ask is she really wanted to._

_And this is the way he protects me, Blair thought menacingly. Her father had made a deal with this little boy to protect her while he went off to go get a hot pretzel from the vender across the road. Blair's father wasn't being completely obtuse by leaving her with strange people. He knew these people, all of them. They were like him: rich and lavish, trustable because they were all like him. Blair knew what she was doing. She stared grimly at the bar, willing it to help her across._

_The little boy looked straight ahead, turning his head so that Blair's eyes met his. They were a gorgeous shade of green. They sparkled just right when the light hit. Finally, he uncrossed his arms and huffed out a little sigh, coming over to help Blair. But Blair had decided to attempt this herself. She jumped onto the first bar, swinging a little, but keeping a strong hold. After the next two bars went well, the green-eyed boy's attention was diverted by a small ethereally gorgeous little blond girl who was playing on the other side of the playground in the sand. She had just built up a sandcastle when a larger kid had come down the slide and destroyed her entire creation in one fell swoop. Of course this little girl had not seen the danger of building a sandcastle right at the end of the slide. So now, she was sobbing her beautiful little eyes out and looking around for her mother who was sitting on a bench and laughing and flirting with a handsome man._

_The boy rushed over to the little blond girl, helping her out and hugging her so that her tears dried up. She hugged him back, crushing her body against his in the way only a little kid can do without being completely inappropriate._

"_Oof!" Blair had been so busy trying to propel herself to the next bar, that her sweating hands had slid right off the bar and she landed right on her butt in the sand and dirt, ruining her expensive new frock. She started crying, but the boy didn't notice, and instead he started making a new sandcastle with the blond girl as she sniffed her tears away and smiled at him._

_A hand reached out to her in her peripheral view. Blair decided to stop being a baby, but the tears continued to run down her face, dropping onto her already ruined dress and staining it. She looked up at the body that was attached to the hand. A little boy, only a little older than her, was holding his hand out for her. Blair looked right into his face, reading the emotions she saw so clearly there. For a fleeting moment she saw something that looked like he was awfully uncomfortable with tears, which quickly changed to a tenderness she had never seen before, then to arrogance so clear that it stood out in each of his features, defining him. It looked an awful lot like he was trying to cover something up from her. But she forgot about this as she took his hand. Almost as if someone had shocked her, she pulled away. Seriously. Was that a current that had just passed through his hand into hers? It felt as though she had be electrocuted. The shock sent a wave through her body and she stared up at the boy, wondering what was wrong with her and why she was feeling this way._

"_Well. Are you going to take my hand or not? You look like a fool sitting there in the dust." The boy stared at her, anger biting through his calm façade. He acted as though he didn't care, as though he was angry and that she had interrupted his afternoon of important goings-on. Which of course she hadn't. She _was_ the goings-on. He had been watching this beautiful little brunette girl from a shadow by the side of the gate for nearly an hour before he felt it was the right time to go help her. He had watched as her father had entrusted her to the other boy's care. He had watched as Blair—yes he even knew her name—had tried and failed to climb across the monkey bars. He had watched as her hands had slipped, her tiny frame crashing to the ground, her brunette curls bouncing from the impact, and he had watched as she started crying. He could've pushed the other boy away, helped her himself, maybe even introduced himself. But Chuck had always been the one in the shadow, delightedly letting everyone try and fail before he came to help. He knew he would always win in the end, but what was the problem with watching others fail where he would ultimately succeed? It just made the prize even sweeter. Chuck could not stand to see this sweet little girl cry. She was beautiful, her pale skin made even paler by her dark hair. Her chocolate brown eyes seemed to burn deep amber as she stared up into his face._

_Blair looked up at him, took his hand again, ignoring the electricity that ran through her body as the boy adjusted his scarf. As soon as she got up, she tried to drop her hand, but the boy kept a strong grip on it, rubbing calming circles on the inside of her wrist. The boy was undoubtedly handsome, his hair smoothed back in a away that showed how little effort he put into looking this good. His clothes were all subtly rich and designer. He wore them with pride and confidence._

"_And who are you?" Blair asked, not afraid of strangers, merely interested. She knew he was no stranger. He was one of them. If the arrogant manner didn't give it away, the designer clothes and ridiculous monogrammed scarf surely did. The scarf had a large CB imprinted on it in the right hand corner. Blair's mind started racing, thinking of all the possible names this boy could have._

"_I'm Chuck Bass," the boy said. Blair looked into his fierce, dark eyes and saw a friend. She smiled. She had finally come up with a good name for him: her equal._

_--_

He was just right for her. But of course, his life had taken a drastic turn, where hers had stayed exactly on the straight, narrow path she built and upheld everyday. They were opposites. Day and night, love and hate: yet they were exactly the same. They both loved to plot and plan, making sure they could always get what they wanted. And what they wanted was everything. But Chuck's mother had died and he had become so removed from the world. Blair had seen his capability of love draining out of him as she had sat with him under his sink in his bathroom when they were both nine. Always there for each other, Blair had come over the second he had called, worried sick over her friend. Of course, he hadn't said anything when he had called, but she could hear the sobs he was trying to suppress on the other end of the line and she knew he needed her. Even if he was not ever going to admit it, Chuck needed Blair. No matter how arrogant he was, he was always that little boy inside.

_At the age of nine, he was undeniably handsome. Blair sat next to Chuck under the sink in Chuck's bathroom, his head resting in her lap as he slept. She had come right over when he called, hearing the hysterical edge to the tears on the other end of the line. She had run right into his room, closing the door softly, before walking into his bathroom, where she had found him leaning against the wall under the sink and sobbing away. He wouldn't turn his face to her. He let her undress him in a trancelike mode, not noticing half of what she did as she brushed his teeth and got him into some pajamas. He refused to sleep on his bed, so she made a makeshift bed on the floor under the sink. She sat with his head in her lap, contemplating what all of this meant. What were those bruises, and why were they there? She wanted to know if Chuck was OK, but he wouldn't talk about it. She dozed off, her mind reeling from what she had seen and heard today. When she had woken in the morning, she was on the bed and Chuck was brushing his teeth. Chuck never mentioned the meeting again, but Blair had seen how vulnerable he was that night and she never forgot it. The story had even been in the newspaper. __**Billionaire's wife and heir's mother dies in plane crash**__**, sources report.**_

Right then, sitting under Chuck's sink, staring at his face, pale and drawn from crying most of the night, Blair had vowed to see Chuck love someone again. Chuck had become one of the many projects she had taken on in her life. Of course, Chuck made her mission nearly impossible. Who would love Chuck Bass? He was rude, arrogant, and had an incredible amount of money: a recipe for disaster. Blair doubted that he even loved himself. She knew how strained his relationship with his father had become due to his mother's death. Whenever Blair came over she saw the look in Bart's eyes when he looked at Chuck: cold and dead. All Bart saw when he looked at Chuck was his late wife, making it nearly impossible for him to talk to Chuck, let alone look at him. And despite his money, he was never truly accepted into the world that Blair and her friends lived in. She knew his only true friends were she and Nate, and he knew it too, though that didn't stop him from hosting large parties and inviting nearly everyone he knew, despite the fact that they all despised him. Chuck had become indifferent to his loveless life, resorting to the pleasures that money could bring him. Sex, girls, alcohol, drugs. He lived the life, and he knew it.

Chuck looked up just in time to see his friend walking around the corner, holding hands with Blair, his green eyes sparkling. Nate trailed a little behind Blair as she pulled him through the crowded foyer to her room. Chuck knew what was happening. He always did. Even if Blair hadn't called him to her penthouse that morning for advice on lingerie, Chuck always knew what was going on.

They both stopped when Chuck spoke directly to Nate. "Any interest in some…fresh air?" he asked, knowing it was not fresh air he was asking about, but the chance to get high with his buddy.

Nate was hilarious when he was high, but Chuck always kept his calm. He knew that if he got high, he would do something stupid. In front of someone important. Not that many people were really important to him. He really just didn't want to look weak. That would be the end. Nate nodded no, and said, "Maybe when I get back?" "If he ever gets back," Blair said, with a mischievous glint in her eyes as she dragged him out, leaving Chuck seated on the couch, wondering if they would ever actually…do it. Because he knew they hadn't. And he knew Blair had wanted it so badly to be perfect. Why else would she actually invite the biggest womanizer she knew into her room to help her pick out lingerie? She was obviously desperate. Chuck laughed and sank back into the couch.

He suddenly felt extremely sick. He sat bolt upright, thoughts racing through his head. What if Blair and Nate became extremely dependant on each other and Blair didn't need him anymore? Chuck knew that eventually Nate would break Blair's heart. Not that he already hadn't, just that Chuck hadn't really told Blair yet. He had seen more than he should have at that wedding, watching Nate and Serena do it like animals. He hadn't told Blair because he had hoped Nate would be man enough to confess that he wasn't a virgin. Nate didn't even look that excited that he was going to be having sex with his girlfriend for the first time, although any other guy would be. Chuck knew Nate and Blair wouldn't last long; their relationship was one more of looks and convenience. More like "_We've been friends since we were little and people expect us to be together, so what the hell? Let's be boyfriend and girlfriend. Don't worry it'll work out just fine._" Chuck didn't want to be the one to break the news because he knew it would break Blair's heart, but he knew the time was going to come when Nate would ultimately betray her. Nate wanted to be happy and Chuck knew he couldn't be if he kept up this charade with Blair for much longer. Blair was just holding on too tightly, afraid to be alone. And this was all besides Serena. If Blair found out about Serena and Nate, their relationship would take a turn for the worse, leaving Blair broken hearted. But Serena was gone and Blair would never need to know.

Just then, the elevator dinged open, and out walked…Serena van der Woodsen. This took Chuck by surprise, which was a very hard thing to do. How had he not seen this coming, even without the insider information? Chuck felt his heart speed up into double-time as he saw her hug Mrs. Waldorf like she hadn't betrayed her daughter and her best friend less than a couple of months ago. He was extremely pissed that she could just waltz in here and steal Nate away from Blair again, breaking Blair's heart. Not his Blair. But somewhere deep inside, Chuck knew that this was what he had wanted all along. A reason for Blair to come to him in tears and a reason for him to comfort her. A reason for him to feel the way he did, although he would never admit it to anyone, especially her. Chuck wasn't one to wear his feelings for fear of denial. He had always known so clearly how he and Blair would always be friends and never anything more. He had never wanted more. Not until now.

Serena's arrival caused a big commotion. Nate appeared, looking frazzled, as he buttoned up his shirt. Blair trailed after him, looking disappointed and upset. Chuck saw her disappointment turn to anger the second she saw Serena. Chuck was the not-so-innocent bystander of a lot of scenes, and no one even noticed him sitting on the couch, watching this entire conversation play out like a drama.

--

Blair pushed Nate right down on the bed, kissing him aggressively. This was everything she had ever hoped and planned for. She had been waiting for this moment for a long time. She started unzipping her dress, feeling the blood rush to her face as Nate examined the immensely appealing silk and lace lingerie she was wearing underneath. Blair remembered what Chuck had said that morning when he had helped pick it out.

--

"_So what do you think?" Blair said, twirling on the spot as Chuck walked into the room. His jaw literally dropped and she giggled. Blair knew that Chuck was not often emotional, but she could see the raw emotions play across his face. Surprise, desire, then pride. Chuck finally controlled his expression and stared at her so closely she felt as though he could see every part of her. Suddenly she felt extremely naked. Chuck tended to do that to her. He saw every part of who she was without even trying. It was just so embarrassing sometimes. Chuck closed to distance between them in two short strides, glancing at the bed, where five other lingerie sets awaited their try-ons. He laughed quietly and took her hand. "Blair. You look so beautiful right now, I'd take you for myself if not for Nate." His eyes displayed the sincerity of his words. "And by the way. You don't need to try any of the others. This one is just perfect." He leaned closer to her, the heat coming off his body in waves. "I can't believe you're mine." He placed a small kiss on her hand, then another on her cheek. "Don't worry. Everything will go just fine tonight. There's no need to worry." Of course Chuck knew she was worried. He always knew how she felt. He rubbed calming circles around her wrist, squeezed her hand once, then turned and left the room, leaving Blair blushing. She could still smell his familiar musky smell, which lingered everywhere he went. She rushed over to her closet, pulling a ratty t-shirt out that smelled liked him due to his frequent wearing of the object every time he had slept over when they were little. His scent seemed ingrained in the material. Blair ripped the lingerie off and pulled on the t-shirt, feeling it fit perfectly around her. She let his scent calm her._

_--_

Blair snapped back to reality. Why the hell was she thinking about Chuck Bass when she was about to have sex with her amazingly hot boyfriend Nate? She shook her head, leaning in for another kiss. Her body tingled anxiously in excitement. Just then she heard a flurry of sounds from the entrance hall and someone shouted "Serena! It's so good to see you." Both she and Nate froze. Nate pushed Blair off of him, already up and getting dressed, going to see Serena. Blair sat helpless on the bed, her hopes crushed by that damn Serena. Serena had left Blair for boarding school last year and hadn't looked back since. No postcards, no e-mails. She had disappeared, and at first Blair had been sad that she had lost her best friend. But then Blair had gotten popular. With Serena gone, everyone looked to Blair to tell them what to do. She had become the Queen B in under 2 months, and Serena was not welcome to just storm back into her fairytale life. Blair slipped her dress back on, feeling disappointed and angry at the same time. She rushed out to see Nate staring at Serena like a new man. His eyes glittered like the first time she'd met him and his eyes were only for Serena.

Blair looked at Serena once, noting that she hadn't changed much. Her hair was long and blonde, but now it had a sense of shagginess that hadn't been there before, almost as if boarding school didn't allow haircuts. Even without the haircut, the long, pale hair gave off a sheen that radiated luxury. Although Blair's hair looked pretty good right now, the brunette curls held back by a headband with one curl falling directly on her face, she never looked _that_ good. To Blair's annoyance, she was still gorgeous, almost ethereally so; someone you saw in movies or on the pages of a fashion magazine. Her long legs were accentuated by the tights and heels she was wearing, making her even taller than she already was; almost half a foot taller than Blair who stood at a measly five foot three. Serena's skin glowed like she'd just come back from the tropics. Besides the tights and heels, she was wearing a dastardly ugly white button up shirt that was fraying at the sleeves and a worn leather jacket. On anyone else, this would have looked ridiculous, but Serena had the innate ability to look gorgeous no matter what she wore. And the thing that annoyed Blair most about her is that she looked this way-- _without even trying._ But the thing that interested Blair the most about Serena was her dark blue eyes that looked deeper than they had even been before. Serena looked instantly older and more experienced than the way she had left, and her eyes were deep with endless stories about Europe and whispered secrets between her and her roommates, never meant to be discussed again. She looked troubled, but also wiser.  
"Serena!" Blair said with the fake enthusiasm she had mastered after all her years of boring parties her mother had thrown, including this one. There were always some boring business people there or a college advisor that Blair had to impress and suck up to in order to receive a recommendation for her school of choice: Yale. To Blair, there was no other college. It was either Yale or one of those "_trade schools"_ which she consistently mentioned with a tone of disapproval and disgust. Serena's face lit up at the sight of her old friend and she rushed over to hug her, nearly throwing Blair off balance. Blair received her exuberant welcome with a stiff hug and a cold smile, praying to the gods that Serena was just visiting for the weekend and that she would never impose on Blair's title and popularity. With the grace and etiquette she had been practically born with, Blair smiled at Serena and said, "I have to go to the ladies' room. Will you please excuse me?"

Serena instantly let go of Blair, knowing where she was going and what she was going to do there. Serena hated to think that this was because of her. Blair stormed away, but Nate paid no attention to her, as he was so absorbed in Serena. However absorbed he was, he didn't notice the deepening of Serena's navy eyes as she registered where Blair was going. Blair fell right onto her bed, choking back the tears that were threatening to overflow. She knew she wasn't supposed to, but the stress and anger had gotten to her. She had run straight to the bathroom that was attached to her bedroom, throwing the toilet seat straight up. She hadn't eaten much today, and her stomach heaved with the exertion of emptying her stomach. She had cleaned up the traces of her indiscretion, spritzing some lavender spray in the bathroom, and had brushed her teeth thoroughly before turning the light off in the bathroom and falling straight onto her bed, extremely tired. She only worked this hard to cover up her indiscretion because her mother didn't know that she was breaking the rules. Also, nobody else knew except Serena, and Blair planned to keep it that way. Nate never had and never would notice. He was much too concerned with himself and Blair didn't want to let him know that she wasn't perfect. It was all about the looks with them. She knew it was a failed attempt, because Chuck always found out nearly everything, but she was truly trying to hide it from him more than anyone else. Chuck could never know about this, never see her this weak. She curled up in a ball, hugging her pillow. A shadow fell across her floor, covering her. Chuck had rushed right up the stairs to Blair's room when he had seen her storm off. She needed his help. And he was more than willing to give it to her. Blair's brow furrowed when she felt him staring at her form on the bed and she flipped over, her entire body spread out across her king-sized bed. "Why didn't you tell me she was coming back Chuck?" she said, her tone bitter, despite the reassurance his form gave her.

Chuck stepped into Blair's room, noticing that the bathroom door was slightly ajar, which was abnormal for Blair because she always kept things so neat. There was also an odor of newly sprayed odor enhancer that covered up a disgusting smell almost like rotten eggs. Chuck wondered what these things meant. He added them to his ever-growing list of observations about Blair. He knew she was hiding something from him, he just didn't know what it was. _Yet_, he thought to himself. How he could possibly not know by now was a huge surprise, seeing as Chuck was extremely nosy and knew everything about everyone he met. Chuck stared at her, trying to understand her question. Finally he sighed and told her the truth. "I didn't know," he said, his deep voice radiating disgust. Blair looked at Chuck, disbelief staining her features. The emotion was as potent as wine. She couldn't believe that. Chuck always knew everything before everyone else. "You can't honestly tell me that Chuck! You always know!"

"Honestly Blair," he said, sitting down on her bed next to her sprawled figure. "I really didn't know. I would never lie to you." Chuck lied down next to Blair, looking at the ceiling, wondering how he had not known this vital fact. He lay there for a while contemplating the odds of being uninformed or wrong. There were very slim. Finally he looked at her sideways. Blair looked into his face and saw the sincerity there. She couldn't stand it any longer. She sat up, the tears gathering up and spilling over onto her cheeks. Serena's return and her lapse in judgment seem to push to tears farther down her cheeks, making her sob. Chuck sat up and stared at her in horror. Not tears. Anything but tears. Chuck gathered Blair up into a hug, pressing her face into his shoulder partly to comfort her but mostly to hide her tears. He didn't know what these tears were for, but he had some idea. He couldn't stand the sight of tears. He hadn't truly cried since he was nine years old. The night that Blair had come over, apologizing profusely, worried sick over him and how his mother's death was affecting him. She thought it was about that. Such trivial things he hid from her, from everyone. He was afraid that if he told someone his story, they'd never be friends with him, never love him. He never mentioned this encounter with Blair, afraid that the small crack in his life might lengthen and he would fall apart. Blair could never see him weak like that again. He made a surprisingly strong front of indifference for everyone so they wouldn't see how badly he was hurting inside. He believed that despite his lack of emotion, he had to be strong for everyone else in his life. He always stood up for his friends, even when they didn't know it. Especially Blair. She needed him a lot more than he needed her and he was determined to be her strong hold forever. The salt water flowed from her eyes, staining his perfectly ironed shirt, but he couldn't have cared less about his clothes right now. He and Blair were definitely in for a long ride. And he sure as hell was going to make this up to her.

--


	3. Sealing the Deal and Yogurt

Chapter 2

Chuck rarely took public transport, preferring the plush leather seats of his limo. But today, he and Nate were seated on the left side of the bus, speaking quietly so no one would hear them.

"Serena looking effing hot last night. There's something wrong about that level of perfection. It needs to be…violated," Chuck said, thinking of all the ways this could be achieved.

Nate stared at Chuck. "You are deeply disturbed," he said, although he knew just what his friend was: a womanizer. He just couldn't help himself.

"And yet, you know I'm right." Nate just looked at Chuck. Chuck continued. "You're telling me that if you had the chance--"

"I have a girlfriend," Nate cut Chuck off. Of course Chuck knew this. He just wasn't used to the idea of staying with one person. He had a rule. You can't have the same woman more than once. Chuck couldn't possibly know that he really would have if he'd had the chance. Or even that he had.

"You guys have been dating since kindergarten and you haven't sealed the deal," Chuck said, reveling in the fact that he knew this little snippet of information about his two best friends.

Nate stared at him, and then cracked a smile. Avoiding his accusation he said, "Who says 'seal the deal'?" Chuck just laughed and pointed outside. "We're here." He turned around and looked at the scruffy boy with black hair who stood behind him on the bus.

"Are you following us or something?" he asked of Dan Humphrey, almost as if he were a rat.

"No. I go to your school. Identical uniforms? Kind of a tip-off?" Dan said sarcastically. Chuck just scoffed noticing the disadvantages of public transportation. Nate stared at Dan and said, "That's funny." The bus stopped and the three boys stepped out onto the sidewalk in front of a large building. It looked like a townhouse, only it had a courtyard and boys were milling around, studying, listening to music, and talking to each other about which girls they'd hooked up with lately. This was St. Jude's School for Boys, an exclusive boys-only private school located on the Upper East Side.

--

Blair sorted through the invitations, noticing the near-perfection of the calligraphy that had been used. She couldn't have gotten it any better if she had gone to the store. She gave one to little Jenny Humphrey who thanked her. Just then Serena walked up, carrying a low-fat yogurt.

"I looked for you everywhere in the dining hall! Here you guys are," Serena said perkily, jumping up the steps as she ate her yogurt. She turned, noticing Jenny. "Hi. I'm Serena," she said, shaking little Jenny's hand.

"Yeah, I know. I mean—Hi, I'm Jenny," she stumbled over her words, awkwardly covering up her blatant knowledge of who Serena was. She didn't want to seem like a stalker, but Jenny was just so completely ecstatic that she would be able to meet the infamous Serena van der Woodsen. She was nearly a legend in their world.

_Correction Little J. She's nearly a legend in _our_ world._

Blair looked from Serena to Jenny in one fluid movement, rolling her eyes, already dreading the moment when tons of girls would come flocking to Serena screaming because they were actually meeting Serena van der Woodsen. Blair needed to do something about this. Now. Serena looked back at Blair, taking a deep breath and picking up one of the pink envelopes that held an invitation for the Kiss On the Lips party that Blair was hosting. Blair was the chair of every planning committee in the school for every major event. She planned about nine major events per year, as well as being a tutor for younger students, taking six AP courses, and taking nearly a thousand extra-curriculars including piano lessons, fashion classes with Marc Jacobs himself, and a job working for her mother, who was a fashion designer and businesswoman. This was all besides he social life, what with her boyfriend Nate. She was also the head of the extremely exclusive clique at Constance Billard School for Girls, an exclusive, girls-only private school on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. However much the headmistress preached that the school was an environment where no judgment was placed and no cattiness was practiced, the cliques were brutal and the gossip was fierce.

_Lesson One. Never forbid something that is easy and fun to do. Gossip only gets better in secret._

"When's the party?" Serena asked, sounding a little cocky, almost as if she was trying to play innocent but knowing that Blair was being a complete bitch to her. "Saturday. And…you're kind of not invited," Blair said as she tried to look as though she was truly sorry about this. "Until about twelve hours ago, everyone thought you were at boarding school. Now we're full. And Jenny used up all the invites." There. That sounded like a good enough reason for Blair not to have invited her.

Jenny looked hopeful at the chance to help Serena. "Um…actually--"

"You can go now," Blair cut Jenny off before she could ruin her chance of keeping Serena from coming to the party, and ultimately out of the spotlight. Blair knew she couldn't shine as brightly with Serena around. Her only option would be to shut her out, which was practically already done. She had the favor of the masses, and Serena had nobody on her side.

Serena saw how Jenny was doing all she could to be nice to her. She smiled sweetly at Jenny, who returned the smile then walked away.

"Sorry," Blair said, although she truly wasn't all that sorry. She was actually feeling kind of victorious.

"No it's fine. I've got a lot of stuff to do anyway," Serena rebutted, making it seem as though she didn't need Blair's help to have a good time. And it was true. Whatever Serena did, she had fun. Fun followed her. It was always a good time if Serena was there. Serena dropped the envelope onto the step below Blair, and one of Blair's minions—she didn't know which—bent down to pick it up. "Well we should get going then. Unless you want us to wait for you," Blair said as she stood up on the step, reveling in the fact that the two-step difference made her tower over Serena. She felt more powerful this way. "No go ahead," Serena said. Their words meant more to them than anyone else. Each syllable was a dagger; cutting into the other girl neatly and precisely where they knew it would hurt the most.

The girls started walking away, but Serena had a plan. She spun around on the step. Now she was taller than Blair again. "Blair. Do you think we could meet tonight?"

"I'd love to," Blair said, thinking she was going to vomit just at the thought of seeing Serena more than once in a day. "But I'm doing something with Nate tonight."

_Oh boy. We'll see about that one. Are you counting? Cause I am._

"The Palace. Eight o'clock," Serena said, ignoring Blair. She knew Blair would not be incredibly bitchy to Serena in front of her posse. She had a reputation to uphold. She was Blair Waldorf. "Nate will wait," she added, knowing she was going to win this. The struggle in Blair's face was evident. She didn't want to ruin her reputation, but she also didn't want to postpone her plans with Nate in order to see Serena of all people. "I guess I could do half an hour," she managed to say, trying to keep the bitchiness level down. Blair was constantly trying to keep her cool around infuriating people. She modeled herself off of Audrey Hepburn, and by eighteen, she hoped to be just as graceful and elegant. The downside of this was that she modeled her entire life after movies, and she was in the lead role. Blair often over-analyzed things. Her life-movie wasn't going so well right now, what with Serena being back, Nate and her not having had sex yet, and her…indiscretions. She wasn't exactly the stunning lead role anymore either, not now that Serena was back.

"Thanks for making the time," Serena said, still cocky.

"You're my best friend," was Blair's only response before she turned and walked away, leaving Serena to walk up a couple more steps, sit down, and finish her yogurt alone.

--

Nate and Chuck walked straight through Central Park, smoking weed. This was how they always ended their days. Especially when they'd been stressful. The park was nearly barren, the leaves having all fallen off the trees as the fall came to a close. They walked this way because no one ever stopped to question them about what they were smoking. They looked old enough to be allowed to smoke regularly and on a cold winter day, no one would smell the marijuana coming out of their mouths. "This is some good stuff," Chuck remarked, not really caring. He wouldn't even have smoked weed if Nate weren't there. He preferred to keep a level head.

"I'm going to need it," Nate said, sighing.

Chuck could not understand his friend. "You're about to have sex with your girlfriend. You sound like you're heading to your execution," Chuck said, smiling. Nate said, "No man, I'm fine." But Chuck wasn't buying it. Instead he looked at Nate questionably and said, "Talk to Chuck, buddy. You and Blair have been dating forever. All of a sudden there's a problem?" Chuck knew all of this already. He knew what had caused the sudden change in Nate's mind and why he was suddenly so unexcited to have sex with Blair. He was thinking about Serena. About having a chance with her now that she had come back. Chuck knew it was never going to happen, but Nate didn't. And Nate needed to get this off his mind.

"Did you ever feel like our entire lives have been planned out for us? That we're just going to end up like our parents?" Nate asked suddenly. Chuck wasn't the one to ask. He always did what he wanted, when he wanted, without anyone's permission. Nate was a different story. He tried to please everyone and not hurt anyone's feelings. Nate was endlessly trying to do the right thing.

"Now that's a dark thought Nathaniel," Chuck said, secretly knowing he was already turning out like his own father.

"Don't we get some choice here though? Can't we be happy?" Nate asked, thinking of Serena and the happiness he could have if he weren't with Blair. Not that she was a bad girlfriend. Just that they had never meant to be that. They were better off as friends, and just that.

"Take it easy Socrates. What we're entitled to is a trust fund, maybe a house in the Hamptons, possibly a prescription drug problem. Happiness doesn't seem to be on the menu. So smoke up," he said, holding up his joint, "and seal the deal with Blair. Cause you're also entitled to tap that ass."

Chuck smirked at Nate who looked up from the ground, smiled at him, and then shook his head. They walked on.

--

Blair and Serena sat in the new swivel seats that were placed by the swanky bar at the Palace Hotel. They were never carded here, not by chance, but because Chuck Bass's father owned the hotel and Chuck had pulled some strings for his friends. Even without that, not a bartender in any decent bar in Manhattan would dare to card Serena van der Woodsen or Blair Waldorf. They were the old money of the city, and they could and would destroy them.

Serena asked about Blair's mother, her divorce.

"She's good. So my father left her for another man. She lost fifteen pounds, got an eyelift. It's been good for her," Blair said, hoping this little conversation would end. She was touchy about this subject. Serena didn't know this, but Blair still wanted to hold it against her. She also wanted to get home so she could get ready for Nate. This was definitely holding her up.

"B…I'm really sorry," Serena said, looking like she truly meant it. Blair looked at her and laughed, the anger biting through. "Yeah I could tell. Especially because you didn't call or write the entire time it was happening. You didn't even tell me why you _went_ to boarding school. Imagine me calling your house one day that you didn't show up and your mom being so surprised that you hadn't told me you were moving. To _Connecticut_."

"I had to go B. I had to get away from everything," Serena said, knowing just how true this was. She had felt so horrible when she had had sex with Nate that the next she knew, she had been asking her mother to send her to Connecticut. Then she had been on the train and she had done her best to forget about all of it. But when her brother had nearly killed himself, she had flown back down to New York. She knew how bad a sister she had been, completely self-absorbed. When she had left, her brother had gotten lonely. Serena's mother wasn't one to take care of her children, and Serena had taken on the responsibility of raising Eric. With Serena gone, Eric had no one. "Trust me B. I miss you. I want things to go back to the way they used to be. Just you and me. You're like my sister." Serena placed her hand over Blair's, happy when Blair didn't pull it away.

Blair looked at Serena for a long moment, deciding that she could get over it. She needed Serena, because she needed a best friend. "You missed some classic Eleanor Waldorf moments," Blair finally said and they both laughed. Blair's laughing was like tinkling bells while Serena's was a low sound almost like a four-year old's laugh. And she was a child in so many more ways.

"I wish I could've been there," Serena said, truly meaning it. "You are now," Blair said, looking down so that Serena couldn't see the emotion on her face. Blair looked at her watch, surprised by how quickly the time had gone. "I have to meet Nate," she said. "I kind of have something special planned."

_Here we go again…_

The two girls got up off their stools and stood awkwardly before embracing tightly. Serena felt the need to say, "I love you B." Blair smiled and pulled away. "I love you too S." Blair smiled again, then walked away, already late for her rendezvous with Nate. Serena looked around once to see if anyone was watching her. When she saw that no one was, she picked up Blair's martini and finished it off, looking like she truly needed it, then she sat back down on the stool.

--


	4. God, keep your pants on!

Chapter 3

Chuck Bass strode through his hotel, towards the bar, needing a drink badly. That conversation with Nate had brought up his strong desire to do something about Serena and he couldn't even begin to come up with a plan without having some scotch. What he saw there was surprising, yet not all that surprising at the same time. Serena was sitting on a stool at the bar. She had ordered a new martini, and she sipped at it, swiveling in her chair. Chuck strode right through the crowd, pushing aside a group of woman who were standing, gossiping about Serena no doubt. Chuck strode right up to the bar and sat down next to Serena. He turned to her and smiled, completely unfazed by her cold look and the hand she rubbed across her forehead as she contemplated the horror of having to speak to him.

"I love this town," Chuck said, smiling. "I'm going to have to tell my parents. The hotel they just bought is serving minors." Chuck shook his head, as if they would actually be upset about this. The truth was, the parents of Serena and her friends really couldn't care less what they did as long as they didn't embarrass themselves, their society, or their families, and they kept their pants on.

_Too late for that…_

"If you get a drink, they're also serving pigs," Serena spit back, really not in the mood to fight it out with Chuck. He didn't even flinch as he shook his head and said, "I love it when you talk dirty."

"You just love it when a girl talks to you."

"Actually," he said, looking down for a second, then looking her straight in the eye. "I prefer them when they're not talking."

"Right. I've missed your witty banter," Serena said, as she looked away and took a swig of her martini. That was the thing about Chuck. He had a sick mind, but he was completely honest about who and what he was: a womanizer. He didn't dance around it. He slept around and it was a fact. He never denied it. In fact, he prided himself upon it. When people didn't like him, he took it in stride. He was who he was and he wasn't going to change for anyone. Secretly, Serena admired him for it. She wished it could be that easy to not care what people thought of you. She looked at him, suddenly very hungry. "Hey, does this hotel serve food? I've been drinking on an empty stomach."

"I thought you didn't do that anymore," Chuck said sarcastically, and then his dark eyes blazed.

_Uh-oh S. You better watch out. The blaze of a Bass is a sign of trouble._

"I'll get you a grilled cheese sandwich. With some truffle sauce. You'll love that," Chuck said. This wasn't on the menu and Serena knew it. She looked at him questioningly.

"I've got connections," he said. She slid off the barstool, and then held up her hand.

"Only because I'm hungry," she clarified. They walked into the kitchen, where the chef came and personally made Serena the sandwich. She sat on a table and started munching on her feast, having underestimated just how hungry she was.

--

Blair had spent three hours prepping for her big night with Nate. She had gotten dressed and undressed three times after her shower, finally deciding to answer the door in the nude, wearing just a pair of black Manolo Blahnik pumps with bows on the front and a headband to match. She had set her hair into loose curls, which were sexy but simple. She didn't want a huge mess of hair tomorrow morning. She padded to her computer, taking the CD out that she had burned for tonight. It was going to be perfect, just how she wanted it. Just how she wanted everything. Any minute now, Nate would buzz up through the intercom, not knowing the surprise waiting for him right in her room.

--

Nate was incredibly high. He had smoked three joints and drunk a bottle of rum before making his way over to Blair's penthouse. Even with his mind in a haze from the pot and his nerves taking a vacation from the liquid courage in the rum, Nate was still incredibly nervous. He had dreaded doing this, but somehow he had forced himself into thinking that it was the right thing to do. How could he have sex with Blair without her knowing he wasn't a virgin?

_Maybe,_ he thought to himself, _maybe I can just tell her and it'll be done with. _But Nate knew that Blair wasn't one to just be told that her boyfriend wasn't a virgin. She would want to know who he had lost it to. All the details. She would want revenge, he was sure of it. She wanted the perfect fairytale life, where she and her boyfriend lost their virginity to each other. Not the story where the prince lost his virginity to her best friend at a wedding when they were both extremely drunk. He didn't even think about knocking on Blair's door. Instead, he just walked into Blair's room where she had been expecting him. She kissed him, but he was reluctant. He wanted to tell her everything. The look in his eyes was between sad and extremely wasted. He pleaded with his eyes for her to forgive him for what he had no choice but to tell her. Unfortunately, it looked like Blair wasn't the only one with a surprise.

_Hey. It looks like B is in for one big surprise. Maybe she should put some clothes on for this one…_

--

Serena sat on the counter in the kitchen with Chuck leaning over her. She felt incredibly uncomfortable like this. She felt trapped by his mere presence. He loomed over her imposingly. This was the other side of Chuck. The side that no one she knew liked. He was the most lethal person. Everything about him screamed dangerous, as if there was a huge red sign on his forehead. All she had done was thank him for the sandwich.

"I know a way you can repay me," he said, smirking. He had thought it through. This was the way he'd pay Blair back. He would get at Serena with his information about her and Nate. He leaned over her as she said, "It's just a sandwich Chuck." She paused as he continued to lean over her. "This isn't happening right now. Nu-uh."

Chuck decided to play his card. "What. Are you worried Nate will find out?"

Serena's head snapped up. Maybe she hadn't heard him correctly. "What?"

"Last year. The Sheppard wedding. Think I don't know why you left town?" Chuck said, delighted at the look of horror on Serena's face. She had not known that Chuck knew.

--

Blair sat down and pulled a robe on. Nate had walked straight through her door, not even knocking. She hadn't seen a problem with this, thinking he was just as eager for this as she was. Blair had kissed him daintily, then deeper. He had pulled his face away. "What's wrong?" she had asked, obviously worried. As soon as she had seen that look in his eyes, she had rushed to the bathroom and pulled on her robe, wanting to be clothed when they had a conversation like this.

"I need to tell you something," he had said, looking straight into her face with those dazzling green eyes. Blair's face had gotten distorted with hurt as he recounted the story of the night of the wedding. She cut him off. "But that's it, right? You guys kissed?" Blair was hoping and wishing. Every bone in her body was screaming in protest as Nate's eyes flashed back down to the floor. She guessed it right then. Serena and Nate had had sex. She couldn't look at herself. She couldn't look at him. She couldn't help herself. The tears began to well up in her eyes and her mind began to scream obscenities into thin air.

"You have to leave," she finally choked out through the tears, as she looked down at the floor.

"Blair—" Nate tried to say, standing up and going to her, but Blair stood up very suddenly, and pushed him away from her.

"Get out! Just leave. I always knew there was something," she said in between sobs. She collapsed on her bed as soon as she had successfully pushed Nate out the door.

Even her porcelain toilet couldn't relieve the pain she felt now, but she somehow found the strength to get up from her bed and shuffle to the bathroom, turn on her tap, and close the door.

--

"The best friend and the boyfriend. Pretty classy," Chuck said sarcastically. "I think you're more like me than you'd like to admit."

"No. I'm trying to change," Serena said quietly, pushing Chuck away from her as he leaned in on her. He tried to kiss her, but she swiftly kneed him and ran away, dropping her phone as she ran into Dan Humphrey. She rushed out of the bar and out of the hotel, not stopping to get her phone and not looking back.

--


	5. Insecurity

Nate felt like a complete asshole. What was he thinking telling Blair about him and Serena? A part of him felt like it had been the right thing to do. How could he have sex with her if she still thought he was a virgin too? But another part of him regretted it. Would it have been so bad if they had done it and he hadn't told her? How much would have really changed.

_Hmm. I wonder which part of him regretted this decision?_

No matter how bad he felt he still had to get up at 5 the next day for his morning run through the park with his father. After an excruciating running session in which he beat his father by just a couple of strides, Nate had to catch his breath before saying anything. He couldn't place his feelings, but suddenly he felt as though the break-up with Blair, or whatever it had been, was for the best. They were better as friends. His father caught on to his mood, asking him why he was so upbeat, how things with Blair had gone.

"Not so great actually. We got in a huge fight. But I think it's for the best," Nate voiced his opinions. His father stopped short and glared at him.

"What? You broke up? You can't do this right now. I need her support for my business deal with Eleanor. It's just a rough patch. You two will get over it. You've been together forever."

"And I think that's the real problem," Nate said to himself, taking a couple of strides, then breaking into a brisk jog back to their townhouse.

Yokashimaya, the Japanese restaurant, was one of the only places in town that was not constantly plagued by tourists with their screaming children. The décor was simple, yet modern, all reds, blacks, and off-whites. Even in the middle of the day it felt like dusk.

Blair sat across from Nate, silently dabbing her sushi into the soy sauce next to her plate, taking every precaution so as not to have to look at him. Each time she did, she saw those eyes, those dazzling green eyes. They almost made her forget about her troubles, but then she saw the lying, cheating face that Serena had kissed. The person who had wronged her. Again. She couldn't even look at him without wanting to run to the bathroom and empty her stomach.

"Thank you for meeting me Blair," Nate said, almost as if they were business partners. Blair didn't say anything, just look at him once to show that she had heard him, then looked back down and continued to dab her sushi in the soy sauce.

"Blair, I know I really hurt you," he continued, having already resolved to work out their issues, even if it took all night, "but I want to make this better. Us better. I'll do whatever I have to do to make this work again. I'll stop seeing Serena. I won't talk to her. It'll be as if she never existed."

At the mention of Serena's name, Blair's eyes snapped up to Nate's face to see his reaction. Seeing only his sorrow their, she nodded then sighed.

"I think that's a good idea. What time is the limo picking us up again?" she said, looking at her watch and relaxing, almost as if her boyfriend hadn't cheated on her with her best friend at all.

"Wait Blair. That's it? I thought you were really upset about this. Don't you want to talk about it?" Nate said, surprised.

"No," Blair said, knowing this subject couldn't go on much longer otherwise she'd have to run to the bathroom. "If you say it's in the past, then I believe you. I'm sure you have no feelings for her anymore." Blair knew she was lying to herself, but her relationship with Nate was much too important. She couldn't break up with him over this. She had convinced herself that the unspeakable act, as she called it, had been performed under odd circumstances, as they had both been drunk. But deep inside she knew that they had both known what they were doing. She just wasn't strong enough to break up with Nate just yet. She needed him.

"Blair! Let me see how it looks," Eleanor Waldorf called out from outside Blair's bedroom.

Blair turned around in the mirror, surveying her body from all angles. Her smooth, pale skin shone in the light. The entire back of the chocolate silk dress was cut out, showing all the skin from the back of her neck down to the small of her back. On anyone else this would have been an indecent amount of skin that was being shown. Who was she kidding? On anyone else, this would have looked incredibly ugly. But on her, it looked fabulous. Her porcelain skin shimmered, sending a chill down her spine as she thought of how Nate would react. This wasn't the dress her mother had picked out, but she liked this one better. Her mother walked in without warning, staring at the dress Blair had picked out for herself.

"I really think you ought to wear the other one honey," she said, with a disapproving look on her face. "It's really more elegant."

Blair looked at her mother, then pulled the dress off and threw it on her bed, slipping the other dress on. This one was black and much shorter than the other one. The difference was mind-boggling. If it were possible that Blair could have looked better than she had a second ago, she did now. Blair always looked her best in black. Not that she didn't always look fabulous. She shined just a tad brighter than any other girl in the room. And she knew it.

Her mother looked at her proudly, surveying the dress she had designed herself. "And put some product in your hair," her mother said quickly, as she turned to leave the room. "The ends are dry."

Blair's face fell, and she suddenly felt extremely ugly, despite the fact that she radiated beauty from every aspect of her body. Leave it to her mom to ruin her mood.

_Now we know where Queen B gets all those insecurities from._

--

_**I stopped here cause it'd be kind of hard to start the next section without giving it it's own chapter. So, I stop here until next week. The reviews are really great, keep them coming!**_

_**xoxo**_


	6. Beauty

**Sorry it took so long for the update! It took me forever, but I finally put all my pent-up frustration at the lack of new GG, so I began writing…I really hope you enjoy it! Rate and comment! I love all reviewsss :]**

-

Blair put the finishing touches on her hair just as Chuck arrived to bring her to the party. Traditionally, it should have been Nate that came to get her, but they were using Chuck's limo to get to the party, and Blair wanted Chuck's opinion on her dress. The elevator opened, revealing Chuck in a black suit and wearing his signature scarf. He looked even more handsome than he usually did. One thing's for sure. Blair and Chuck definitely had something in common. They both looked fabulous in black.

Chuck strolled through the entrance hall, ascending the stairs up to Blair's room the way he had been doing for the last twelve years of his life. He could've found her room blindfolded.

He pushed open the door just as she was walking out of it, looking down at her shoes to see if they matched her new dress. They bumped into each other and Blair almost fell over from the impact. Before she could regain her balance, she was falling. Then she stopped, her hair hanging down to the ground, a hand on her back. Chuck had caught her and now he pushed up back upright. Then he put her at an arms length so as to survey how she looked. His eyes scanned her shoes moving upwards slowly, taking in every part of her dress, then his eyes finally rested on her face. Blair could feel his eyes x-raying her. How did he _do_ that?

"Not bad Waldorf," he finally said in a tone that was trying to suppress some emotion. Blair looked at him carefully. This was the point where, with anyone else, she would've relaxed and made some comment. But she was always relaxed with Chuck, and right now she seemed to be at a loss for words. She managed only a choked 'Thank you' before Chuck took her arm in his and led her down the stairs to the sidewalk where his limo waited. They were the first ones to be picked up, and the silence was killing Blair. Why couldn't she say anything? Right when they were about to pick up Nate, Chuck slid closer to her on the seat and whispered in her ear, "You look incredibly beautiful tonight. Don't forget that."

He slid away from her as the door opened and Nate stepped in. Chuck started to pour himself a glass of scotch as Blair moved to her right to make room for Nate on the seat. In doing so, she moved closer to Chuck. Suddenly she felt very uncomfortable sitting between Chuck and Nate.

Chuck stole a glance at Blair over his glass of scotch, his dark eyes burning.

_Lesson Two: Never tell a girl she's beautiful unless you're her boyfriend and you know how she's going to react._

Blair's eyes searched frantically for an escape from the seating arrangement hell she was now in. But she didn't want to hurt Chuck or Nate's feelings, so she decided to stay put. When more people came, there would be no reason to be nervous. In the meantime however, she nearly started hyperventilating. What was Chuck playing at? He knew she was taken. And she knew how hard it was already for her to resist him. He was now her best friend, and it didn't help that he was incredibly handsome. _What the hell am I thinking,_ Blair thought to herself. _Chuck Bass? He is not boyfriend material. Besides. I have a loving, caring boyfriend already. Chuck will just disappoint me. Right?_ Blair's thoughts were interrupted when she looked up and noticed that Chuck was staring at her, his eyes burning. That was it. _He must be planning something,_ she thought, instantly recognizing that burning look in his eyes as a sign of mischief to come. _He'll just hurt me,_ she continued to think to herself, trying to convince herself that she was being crazy. The limo stopped again and Blair looked up expectantly, relieved that more people were coming. The tension in the limo was way too thick for her taste. Of course Nate hadn't noticed any of this going on. He continued to lean back in his seat, staring out the window morosely, looking like he didn't want to be there. Kati and Isabel stepped into the limo, instantly taking up all of Chuck's attention. However, throughout the car ride to the Kiss On the Lips party, Blair could feel Chuck's eyes burning holes in her skin.

Blair broke out the champagne long before they arrived, and poured some into everyone's champagne flutes, trying to look excited for the party. Nate refused to have any, stating that he was just not in the mood. Blair poured some in everyone else's cups. Finally only Chuck was left. As she filled his glass, she was careful not to make eye contact with him.

It got very quiet in the limo.

"I'd like to propose a toast," Chuck said quietly, but everyone listened to him.

"To beauty. Because we all know that our world is one of beauty." He paused for dramatic effect, and stared over to Blair who was now looking straight at him. "And we are its royal subjects," he continued. He clinked his glass with Blair's and they both swallowed their entire glass in one gulp, their eyes never leaving each other's.


	7. Comparisons

Blair, Chuck, Nate, Kati, and Isabel stepped out of the limo. The party was already in full swing. Chuck, Kati, and Isabel went straight to the bar and sat down, flipping open their phones to see if there were any new developments from Gossip Girl.

Blair and Nate decided to dance, but after awhile, Blair's feet got tired and she went to get a drink at the bar. Nate politely declined a drink, saying he wanted to stay sober. Blair smiled at him. He was always such a gentleman.

She sat down next to Kati, whose phone flashed with a new message. Blair took a sip from her martini, and then snuck a look at Kati's phone. What she saw there made her breath catch and her face turn red with anger. Her martini was dangerously close from slipping out of her hands.

**Turns out even the Queen B couldn't keep S out of a good party. Why's she here? Who's she with? What's she wearing?**

"What is she doing here?" Blair screamed, "She wasn't invited." Blair huffed out her pretty cheeks, pouting, angrier now that Gossip Girl was following Serena's every move like she was a celebrity.

Blair looked to the picture in the message, then looked up. She spotted Serena and noticed that she had on the sparkly gold sequin dress that she herself had tried on in Bendels the night before. She had struggled to get it on, insisting that she was a size double zero and refusing to have the dressing room assistant get her the next size up. The dress had finally fit over her butt, but her breasts didn't quite fill out the bust the way she would have liked. On Serena it looked magnificent. And if Blair thought about it, she knew that Serena and Nate would have looked perfect together. The gold in the dress sparkled and accented her golden hair, and next to Nate she would have transferred some of her sunshine to him as well. She looked perfectly flushed from running, almost as if she had just exercised, and her hair was wind-blown. In Blair's mind, Nate was the well-toned lacrosse player next to Serena. Blair cringed at this thought, imagining herself there instead. Blair, the control freak. The fat, puny, dark, complicated one with enough brain-power to run a city. Nate, the well-toned athlete, golden boy with a glint in his eye for the golden girl. Blair and Nate. They were opposites while Serena was his twin, his match, his counterpart.

Trailing behind Serena was Dan Humphrey looking slightly worried. Blair was secretly glad that he was there. Dan was Serena's distraction. The person with whom she could actually relate and talk to and have a relationship with. Nate was out of bounds. But that hadn't stopped her before. Blair knew the only reason Dan would come to one of these parties was to find his sister. Speaking of which, where was that little Jenny? Blair hadn't seen her anywhere for nearly twenty minutes. Blair looked around and noticed that Chuck was missing too. _Uh oh,_ she thought, knowing just where both of them were. There was definitely going to be trouble.

Nate noticed Blair's anger and walked up to her. "Come on Blair. Are you really going to kick her out?" he said. Out of all the people at the party, couldn't those two just ignore each other? Nate didn't get it. Girls were so complicated.

"What, did _you_ invite her?" Blair asked, her face turning a shade of purple. Her anger started to chip away at ther resolve. Pretty soon she would be pulling Serena by the hair and throwing her out of the party onto her ass in the street next to Brooklyn Boy, Dan Humphrey and his little sister.

"No! God, Blair. What'd I tell you," he said, trying to walk away. Blair grabbed his arm and turned him toward her. He stared her down and she gripped his arm tight as they had a power struggle. If he was going to walk away, he needed her directions and he needed them as clearly as possible.

"Do _not_ talk to her," she said, glaring at Nate. He nodded stiffly and walked away, right past Serena, not even looking at her. Serena noticed this, and turned toward Blair. Blair glared right at her, not even hiding her fury at Serena anymore. The two girls looked at each other for a long moment, then Blair and her clique walked away. Blair felt victorious.

--

Serena stared after them for a moment, wondering why Blair was so mad. Hadn't they made up? Serena's delicate balance of happiness and sadness was being thrown off by Blair's bitchiness. Blair knew that Serena was a delicate kind of person; the kind of person who, when she was a kid, would cry if she dropped her ice cream, lost a quarter, or got her favorite stuffed animal dirty. Blair was always the one to comfort her and she knew the look on Serena's face when she was going to burst out crying. Serena's eyes pricked with tears. Her mouth dried up and twisted into a grimace. Her throat got dry and seemed to block up as she fought to hold back her tears and maintain control. Why would Blair intentionally tell Nate to ignore her? Serena sniffed twice, then walked away as she tried to find Dan and Jenny. A tear glistened in the corner of her eye, then rolled down her cheek and fell on her golden dress. She only shed that one tear.

--

Twenty minutes later, Blair spotted Dan, Serena, and Jenny descending the stairs, a jacket wrapped around Jenny. Her hair was messed up as if she'd been outside. They left, Dan and Serena holding hands, Blair glaring after them. Blair felt his presence and turned around. Chuck descended the stairs slowly, searching for Blair. He found her and walked over to her, readjusting his scarf. He seemed to be sporting a fresh black eye.

"She better not show her face around here again," Blair said, staring out into the street where Serena caught a cab for Dan and Jenny and got in after them.

"I'm actually hoping she will," Chuck said, already plotting his revenge. Blair looked back and up at him, and a silent agreement passed between them. They were going to get revenge. It's what they were best at.

--

Serena's cab drove through the city, which was beautiful at night. The colors whirred by her as she stared out the window, Dan sitting next to her. She contemplated the night. It had been hard on both of them. Serena wiped the wetness from her eyes, then dropped her hand down to her side on the seat. She was surprised to feel Dan's hand already there. He felt her hand drop on his and opened it up so she could slip her hand into his. Dan looked at her and smiled a friendly smile as he squeezed her hand. Serena smiled back a teary smile, surprised at his never-ending kindness after everything they'd been through tonight. However surprised she may be, Serena was still thankful to Dan. The tears were gone now, but she still needed his comfort.

--

Nate had watched Serena leave, a bottle of rum in his hand. It killed him to see her with someone else after what had happened, but he knew she would be better with Dan. Dan seemed smart and funny and nice enough. He was exactly what Serena needed in a boyfriend, but it still packed a shot of sadness right into his heart as he thought of what they could have been. He definitely needed a drink, despite what he had told Blair. Always being the perfect gentleman. Nate scoffed at his reputation. Blair prided herself on his manners. He was like an object to her, something that could be shown off and displayed for her own gain. He turned and started walking back to his townhouse, drinking the entire way there. Maybe if he got drunk enough he could erase the picture of Dan and Serena from his mind, or maybe he could erase the thoughts of Blair's disapproval at his drinking. He collapsed on his bed, his head spinning, already dreading school on Monday.


	8. To Speed Dial, Or Not To Speed Dial

Chapter 4 (The Wild Brunch)

_Lazy Sundays. What could be better? Breakfast in bed, reading the news, getting up at 10, and scrambling an egg or two. Yeah, right. The Upper East Siders _don't_ do lazy. Breakfast is brunch, and it's served with champagne, a dress code, and one hundred of our closet friends. And enemies. Chuck's dad is hosting the annual brunch for his foundation. Everyone is invited._

Blair stared at the dress her mother had left for her to wear. It was blue and it looked ancient. She wrinkled her nose at the ugly blue of the dress. How last year. She decided she was going to wear something else, despite the fact that her mother had left her a note to wear this one. It didn't matter really. It wasn't like her mother was actually there to reprimand her. She was in Paris.

At the thought of brunch, Blair thought of Nate. She wondered where he had gone to after the party. It seemed as though he had stepped out for some air and had never returned. She had already called the Archibald residence and Anne Archibald had informed Blair that Nate hadn't come home last night. She was never this open with information about her family, but Blair was Nate's girlfriend, and Anne and Blair had developed a close familial relationship. Each time Blair came over, she greeted Anne and kissed her on the cheek, complimented her on her flowers or her dress, then asked if Nate was in his room. Blair aspired to be just like Anne one day: rich husband who could support her, children, and a Park Avenue penthouse for them all. It was the perfect life in Blair's eyes, and Blair didn't settle for anything less than perfect. It wasn't as if Blair was a nosy newspaper journalist, so Anne was quite open about Nate's whereabouts, even when she didn't know herself, which was most of the time. Anne didn't seem at all worried by her son's absence, as long as he didn't get arrested or get anyone pregnant. This was how most of the Upper East Side teens' parents were.

Blair knew that if Nate wasn't at home, he was at Chuck's. Chuck and Nate had been best friends for as long as she could remember, longer than she and Nate had been going out, and that had been nearly forever. Blair typed Chuck's hotel line into her cell quickly, her fingers flying across the numbers. She had known this number by heart since she was 6 and her fingers moved mechanically across the buttons. She put her finger on the 'send' button, but then she hesitated. Blair suddenly felt very self-conscious, as if Kati and Isabelle were watching her every move. What would they think if she dialed Chuck directly? Anyway, Blair was worried enough about their friendship and she was too afraid to speak to him right now. Blair surprised herself. She was _never_ afraid to speak to Chuck. She often dialed him in the middle of the night when she had bad nightmares and couldn't sleep or when she couldn't choose something to wear. But somewhere in Blair's mind, calling Chuck now suddenly felt awkward. Now Blair was a lot of things. She was perfect, strict, loyal, beautiful, bitchy, and a perfectionist. But one thing Blair never was, and never would be, was awkward. She was a young lady of the Upper East Side and she knew her social graces inside and out like her reflection in the mirror, which she looked at more than too often. She took a deep breath. Blair knew that she shouldn't but she pressed the 'end' button on her phone, which wiped it clear of the digits that she had so rapidly dialed to get in contact with Chuck. Instead, she pressed her third speed dial—her first being voicemail and the second being Chuck's cell—which automatically dialed Nate's cell number. He picked up after the third ring.

--

Nate's phone buzzed impatiently on the coffee table in front of the couch in Chuck's suite. Nate was sleeping on the couch, but the sound of the phone woke him up. He had not wanted Blair to find him at home last night or this morning. He didn't know how, but he had somehow managed to get up and get to Chuck's in all his drunken haze. Chuck had been tired, but willing to let him crash at his place when he had showed up completely wasted at 3 in the morning. Chuck faintly heard him talking to Blair, but he was too tired to even think straight. He wondered why Blair hadn't just called him on his hotel phone as she always did. For some reason this made Chuck feel weird, almost as if something were missing. Something like a ritual had been broken in Chuck's mind.

"Chuck," Nate finally said, interrupting Chuck's scattered thoughts. "Wake up. Your father's brunch is today."

Chuck groaned and turned over saying, "I set my alarm for nine."

"It's ten," Nate said. Chuck turned over again, and then sat up in his bed, rubbing his hair. His black eye looked even worse now that it had begun to bruise, yellowing in some spots. He got up and walked over to the bar to make himself an energy drink. He sure needed it.

_Well Bass, that's what you get when you don't…sleep much. Nighttime activities are draining to the body's energy! Well, you should know…_

"You never mess with a guy's sister, man," Nate said, sitting down on the stool in front of Chuck's private wet bar.

"If I knew his name, I'd hunt him down and kill him," Chuck said.

"What, cause you kill people now? You gonna strangle him with your scarf?" Nate said sarcastically, throwing Chuck's scarf at him.

"Don't mock the scarf Nathaniel. It's my signature," Chuck said, catching the scarf and smiling.

"Well. Just saying. Death by scarf. It's just not that intimidating."

"I told you. He sucker punched me. Besides, better a broken nose than a broken… heart," Chuck said looking at Nate knowingly as he poured the ingredients into his energy drink.

"What? I didn't even talk to Serena last night!" Nate said. Chuck looked at him surprised. He had been fishing, and it looked like he had caught something.

"Who said anything about Serena?" Chuck said, obviously pleased with himself.

He had caught Nate red-handed. Nate stared at him and didn't say anything. Nate felt very guilty for his thoughts jumping directly to Serena. He had sworn that he would let her live her life, but Chuck's comment had gotten him riled up to talk to her. Even if he could just talk to her and have her explain what was going on. Maybe if he could tell her how Blair was stopping him from talking to her. Nate went through possible scenarios in his head. Somehow, he kept imagining these scenes to end up with Blair catching him with Serena and his head being chopped off, almost like he was in Chuck's favorite book, _Alice In Wonderland_.

Nate scoffed at the absurdity of it all while Chuck went to get dressed. Nate slid his phone out of his pocket and considered calling Blair. He fumbled with her phone number and finally just opened his contact list and scrolled to her number. He held his finger over the 'send' button, but instead he acted on an impulse. He slid his phone shut, then picked up the hotel phone and called the front desk. He was hoping to swing by and talk to her before brunch without Blair knowing.

_Now N, you know you don't mess with the Queen, or else. Look out N: there seems to be a beheading coming our way._

_--_

Dan walked down to the Plaza, where Serena was staying, hoping to talk to her and apologize for the night before. How stupid had he been? Instead of walking her to her door, or kissing her good night, he gave her a farewell wave. A farewell _wave_. As Jenny had said, "It was a nice wave." But Dan knew that not a person on the Earth gave farewell waves at the end of a date. He only had that one shot with Serena. It was ultimately embarrassing and he liked her enough to give this try again. So instead of giving up, Dan had forfeited his last shred of dignity and had showered, dressed, and come down here to talk to Serena on his sister's advice.

--

Dan sat down and waited for Serena to show up, as the concierge said she had gone out. Nate walked in and insisted on waiting for Serena as well. He sat down next to Dan. The two boys looked at each other curiously, neither knowing that Serena was on her way to see Blair right now.

--

Blair threw on her long silk robe as she heard the elevator ding open in her lobby. Kati and Isabel had left nearly an hour ago to get ready. Blair was now having a difficult time figuring out what she should wear for Chuck's father's bunch. She knew she could have just called Chuck over. Within minutes he would be here and in another few minutes, she'd have a fabulous outfit. She'd be done with the whole thing, but something about it felt strange, awkward. For now, Blair would have to suffer alone as she tried to choose a dress.

She walked down the stairs slowly until she saw Serena standing in the hallway, holding a pink bag from the video store down the street and two bottles of seltzer. The blonde was wearing a knit cardigan, some gaudy necklaces, denim short shorts, and below-the-knee cowboy fringe boots. Serena had the innate ability to pull this outfit off even though it didn't match and would have made anyone else look extremely awkward, fat, or uncomfortable. But on Serena, the clothes seemed to fit perfectly, her hair seemed to shine, and she perkily strode around, completely unaware how much of a goddess she was.

Blair stared at Serena in her black silk baby doll, floor-length white cover-up, and heels, feeling fat and short. The fact that she was wearing heels didn't even add to her height and she still had to look up at Serena. When she looked at Serena in all her shine and Greek godlike beauty, she instantly thought of how fat her thighs were, how much flab she had on her stomach, and how puny her breasts were in comparison. She instantly wanted to run to the bathroom and throw up. Besides Serena's stunning beauty, Blair had other reasons for not wanting to see anyone in the world less right now.

"Hey B," Serena said, smiling at the smaller brunette, completely unaware of how angry Blair was right now. The waves of anger practically rolled of off her, but of course Serena was completely oblivious to them. In her own bright, happy bubble as always. "I brought two seltzers and some Audrey." This had been their Sunday morning tradition since they were little kids. They had dressed up in Blair's mother's dresses and heels and had pretended to be Audrey Hepburn while they sang along with 'Breakfast at Tiffany's', giggled, and drank some seltzer. Sometimes, when Serena was able to convince Blair that she was the prettiest and skinniest person she knew, they would drink coffee and munch on croissants.

"Well I kind of blanked on the part where I invited you over," Blair said, walking right past Serena as Nate had done only the night before. "And I have some new traditions now." She looked smug as she picked up the paper and pretended to read it as she tried to keep herself from getting up and taking Serena down.

"Well they're not traditions if they're new B," Serena said, rolling her eyes. Blair just looked at her to show that she'd heard her, and then went back to pretending to read the newspaper. Serena sighed, and then sat down on the chaise lounge next to Blair. Blair sat up and moved a little bit farther away from Serena, wanting to put as much distance between them as possible. Blair still didn't say anything, so Serena continued, "Look. Blair. I'm really trying to make an effort here. I thought everything was good between us."

Blair couldn't stand it anymore. Her head snapped up. "It was," she said in a sweetly menacing voice. "Until I found out you had sex with my boyfriend." Her voice cracked on the last word. Blair wasn't sure what she and Nate were anymore. This idea frightened her. Blair was never one to show her weaknesses, especially to her enemies. Her nerves were really getting to her.

It looked like she had gotten Serena in a tight spot, and she looked highly uncomfortable as she tried to explain herself. She looked around the penthouse, trying to fight back tears. Finally she came out with, "How did you find out?" Her voice was teary and hushed.

"Nate told me. At least he thought he owed me the truth," Blair said, her eyebrows raising. Blair got up and walked past Serena for the second time that morning. She walked towards her stairs slowly, then turned around with a smile on her face. She fiddled her hands a bit, then said, "I always knew you were a slut, but I never took you for a liar." Blair was already done with this conversation. All she wanted to do was run upstairs, cry, and throw up, then call Chuck over for her fashion consultation for his brunch. But she knew she couldn't do this. Then Serena would win. And Blair Waldorf never lost. Chuck was with Nate. She didn't want to seem needy or desperate by calling him over. That was one thing that was not acceptable for a Waldorf.

"Blair. How can I fix this?" Serena started, her voice desperate, as she took a step towards her former best friend.

"You don't," Blair said, stepping backwards, away from Serena's advance. "You just stay away. From me, my boyfriend, and my friends. You're done here." She smiled at that last part, obviously happier about this than she was about most other things. Serena had always been the golden girl, the shining star, the most popular. Blair had always been Serena's best friend, always in the shadows, never in the spotlight. Blair had only become Queen once Serena had left and she wasn't about to let Serena come back and take that all away from her. Serena hadn't been there when Blair's family had fallen apart, or when Nate had acted weird. She hadn't been there for Blair when she had needed her most. Now, Blair had the power to bring her down once and for all. This was her revenge. It felt sweet. She turned and strode gracefully up the stairs in her heels, her cover-up billowing behind her like a cloak.

Serena stood motionless at the foot of the stairs, unsure of what to do. Finally, she figured out that Blair would not want her here when she returned, so she repressed the urge to cry and shuffled out of Blair's penthouse. She looked nothing short of a goddess in misery.

Blair managed to make it up the stairs and into her bedroom before she broke down. She had been all anger with Serena, but the truth was that she was afraid. She was scared of losing Nate. She was afraid of what was going on between her and Chuck. She was even scared of losing Serena. They had been best friends forever and she had no one after this. Who was she going to turn to? Only time would tell. But for now, a quick, efficient remedy was a white porcelain toilet and a running tap.

_Yes, that'll do for our princess. Or should we say, Queen._


	9. Weight and the Contrast of Two Liars

_--_

Dan walked outside into the courtyard of The Palace Hotel. He strode over to the old-fashioned entrance gates and saw Nate standing there looking worried. They were both getting impatient, both hoping to catch Serena just as she walked in. Nate paced and paced hoping no one would see him, especially Chuck. How exactly would he explain this?

"So," Dan said awkwardly, "what do you need to talk to Serena about?"

Nate snapped out of his reverie and stared at him, wondering the same thing himself. "Nothing," he lied, smoothly. God was he cut out for this lifestyle. The lies just kept on rolling off his tongue like all of the investment bankers at his father's parties who said the economy was getting better. However, Nate had something that those men didn't. A conscience. It just hadn't kicked in yet. "Just in the neighborhood." He paused and looked down for a second. He was dying to ask. Finally he said, "You?"

Dan had the same expression on his face now. He had no clue what he was doing here either. This had seemed like a good idea an hour ago when Jenny had suggested it, but now Dan felt like a fool standing outside of a fancy hotel, waiting for a girl who may or may not be into him, and who, besides that fact, was completely out of his league and who he probably messed up his chances of being with anyway. This fact was just accentuated by this Nate kid who looked like the epitome of high society and who looked like Serena's perfect knight in shining armor. No matter how much he tried to fit in, he would always be the kid from Brooklyn in his $40 Gap jeans, vintage paisley button-up shirts, and second-hand Italian loafers.

Dan decided to go with sarcasm and wit. It was his vice. "I am nowhere near the neighborhood, but I'm working on a better excuse," he said. It was the truth. Dan had never been a good liar. He had never needed to be a liar. He wondered how it had come to be that he now needed this ability. He wished he could lie like all those investment bankers at all of those parties that he never could attend, had never wanted to attend. Until now.

Dan's writer instincts kicked in and he wondered retrospectively how his character had changed. How had he come to be standing in front of this fancy hotel waiting for a girl who was out of his league? He felt like an idiot, but at least it would be some good writing material. And she was somehow different than these other Park Avenue princesses. She was ethereal but down to earth. Somehow, she was everything and nothing at the same time. Heavy and light. But perfectly so, such that Dan didn't know how he had ever been able to speak to her, look at her, even think about her, without embarrassing himself with unworthiness. She seemed such that she was a goddess. He was only a boy. Why had she afforded him any of her shining, valuable time? The possible reasons made Dan light up inside with pride. Somehow, _he_, Dan Humphrey, had managed this impossible feat of Serena van der Woodsen. It seemed surreal.

"You guys like…" Nate tried to ask the question, without actually asking the question. Dan snapped out of his own reverie, so different yet so similar to Nate's.

"Oh," Dan said, catching on. "Uh, I don't know." Dan sounded like he truly meant it. He was hoping so, but he wasn't sure what they were just yet.

Right then, Nate made a choice. He decided that he would take this opportunity to make Dan feel insecure about Serena as a girlfriend. It was his only chance of not losing her to Brooklyn. Nate didn't even know why he did it, but he felt it. It was what he wanted to do. With Nate, these moments didn't come around too often. He was usually forced into doing something he didn't want to do by his parents, Chuck, or Blair because they thought it was what he wanted or what he should want or what would be best for him. He so rarely had a chance to show anyone who he really was or what he really wanted. This was his chance, and he took it.

"Yeah, well," Nate said, "that's Serena. With her, you'll never know." Dan looked like he had taken Nate's comment into consideration. The seed of doubt was now placed in Dan's mind and Nate smiled, putting his hands in his pockets, his mission accomplished. Dan looked at Nate, the doubt of himself flooding back in as he thought about this. His face screwed up and his worry only grew in intensity, burning him from within.

_Hey N: That conscience kicked in yet? I didn't think so._

The two boys, so very different in mission yet the same, continued to lie to themselves as they waited for the goddess to return to her castle in the sky.

--

Chuck swaggered out of the grand hotel, stopping to look around. Chuck spotted Nate standing by the iron gates and called out to him.

"Nathaniel. There you are. What are you doing?" he asked.

"Nothing. Just waiting for you," Nate lied. Chuck looked at the person who Nate was standing with. He took off his black Ray-Bans to get a better look, and in doing so he revealed the real reason why he wanted to kick Brooklyn's ass so bad. The black eye seemed to darken with Chuck's eyes and throbbed with the speeding up of Chuck's breathing as he looked at Nate's companion. It was that damn Don or Dane or whatever the hell his name was. The fire raged inside Chuck and spilled over.

"What are you doing here?" he asked through his teeth.

"What is this your hotel?" Dan asked, being sarcastic.

"Actually it is," Nate said. He was really trying to avoid this fight. If they got into a fight, somehow Blair would find out and he would therein be in hell.

"Yes. So unless you have a reason to be here I'm going to have to ask you to wait on the curb with the rest of the trash," Chuck said scathingly as Nate restrained him from punching Dan. "Come on man, it's not worth it."

"Yeah, that one black eye is looking a little lonely," Dan said. He was obviously not up to a fight either as he seriously doubted if he could take Chuck Bass. But this was the guy who had tried to rape his little sister. He deserved a little ass-kicking.

Chuck tried to break free from Nate, but Nate pushed him away towards the gates and they walked away, Chuck looking back at intervals at Dan, his eyes burning furiously. He couldn't wait to kick this guy's ass. But first, he needed to get through this brunch. Something was going to happen. He could feel it building up, the weight of deceit, scandal, love, hate, and pain, pushing against the barricades of their perfect lives. Pretty soon, the bricks would be cemented into place and the course of fate would push them all together. Chuck couldn't wait to get his revenge.

--


	10. Disappointments and Pillow Fights

Somehow Blair had come to be seated between Chuck and Nate again. After talking to little Jenny Humphrey, she had decided to wear a white eyelet dress and she had painted her lips bright red. She sipped at her champagne, laughing at Chuck's jokes and touching Nate's hand every once in a while to let him know she was still thinking of him. Everything seemed to be the way it always had been. Blair loved the way things had been. Just the four of them. But now, a conspicuous spot was left at the table. The filler girl smiled her pearly smile, but a piece of Blair knew that she was no replacement for the fourth member of the Non-Judging Breakfast Club.

There was a slight bit of noise and Blair froze. Chuck suddenly looked up, causing Blair to look up too. They seemed connected, their minds thinking alike. The cause and the effect. They knew each other too well. Nate looked up as well, but not for the same reason.

Dan and Serena were standing in the entrance hall together, looking extremely uncomfortable about being at the brunch. Both Blair and Chuck's eyes grew darker and their expressions set into those of killers. Nate's eyes sparkled, but Blair wasn't looking at him for once. She was looking at Chuck, who pursed his lips before speaking. Blair loved the way he did that, like he was from some other century.

"This should be fun," Chuck said, sitting back in his chair and surveying the scene.

_That's an understatement._

Blair looked over to the doorway and away from Chuck. Her eyes narrowed.

"You've got to be kidding," she said as she laughed the smallest and evilest of laughs. Her ruby lips may as well have been covered in blood.

* * *

Serena and Dan picked up a ton of food on their plates. "Well. I can't say much for his childbearing skills, but Bart Bass knows brunch," Dan said. Serena giggled. She loved Dan's wit, his quirky charm, how he was so out of her world. So out of her league. So different from herself. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Nate. He gestured with his head towards the entrance hall. She thought for a second, and then spoke to Dan.

"I have to go to the ladies' room. I'll be right back. Will you be OK by yourself for a little bit?" she said. He nodded, willing to agree to anything she said, and she floated away.

* * *

"Charles." Chuck heard his father call his name and he walked over.

"Father," he acknowledged him, wondering what was important enough for his father to bestow him with the honor of a talk.

"Are you OK? That looks like one hell of a black eye." Chuck looked at his father, confused. Until he continued with the end of his thought. "Are you in some kind of trouble?" Bart Bass asked his son. Chuck's face fell and he sighed, then looked up and pursed his lips once again before speaking.

"Only of my own making," Chuck said, looking at his father who sighed and started lecturing about how he was trying to make Chuck contacts in the business world so that he'd be ready when he inherited his company.

"Do me a favor Chuck," his father said, looking annoyed when Chuck barely listened to him. "Lose the scotch. It's barely new."

Chuck stared at his father, who walked away, then he looked at the floor. The pain mostly slid off Chuck's back, but somewhere deep down it was stored in a bank of hurtful comments from his father. Another chance to make his father proud, another chance blown. Another disappointment from Bass Jr. Chuck took another swig of scotch, ignoring his father and everyone else in the hall. To hell he was going to give up his one safety net. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Nate signal to Serena and her following him into the shadows. He sipped the scotch and sauntered after them, his confident stride never breaking as he went to spy on his two friends.

* * *

"You told Blair. What were you thinking?" Serena asked as soon as she got into the entrance hall.

An old lady walked by, staring at both of them like they were insane before walking away. This was obviously not the place or time for this.

Nate stared at her then said, "We can't talk here. Meet me in Chuck's suite in ten minutes." He handed her the key. "I'll be waiting."

Then he walked back into the brunch, melting into the crowd. Serena sighed and walked away as well. She never seemed to be able to get away. Trouble just followed her everywhere.

--

Chuck watched as Serena strode away, looking exasperated. She was holding a key. His eyes narrowed. He had given that key to Nate when they were little. It was the only other key to that suite. Nate had just given it to Serena and agreed to meet in the suite in 10 minutes. Whatever they were doing, Chuck didn't think it was good. This needed to be dealt with. But secretly, in a way only Chuck Bass could.

_Looks like a certain devil is up to his deeds. Wonder who will be the collateral damage this time._

* * *

Chuck walked up behind Blair. She turned around, sensing him there. They seemed to be two of a kind, interconnected. Chuck smiled a genuine smile at Blair for the first time in years.

Blair froze, wondering why he was so happy. He had only truly smiled twice. Once, when Blair had told him she loved him when they were 5. The other time was when they were twelve. Blair had walked in on him crying and had stayed the night to comfort him. Blair's mother had come to his apartment early the next morning while he was asleep and had insisted that she come home right away and go to school. She was a young lady and staying the night at a young boy's house, especially if that young boy was Chuck Bass, was highly inappropriate and out of character for her. Blair and her mother had fought it out, not knowing that Chuck could hear them. Blair had returned to his room and he had pretended to be asleep. When he woke up, she was gone, and he panicked, calling out her name. She had come running in her pajamas, her toothbrush sticking out of her mouth and her hair in a neat ponytail. Apparently, Blair had had her maid Dorota run her over pajamas, a toothbrush, and her school uniform earlier that day. Chuck had been relieved, not wanting to be alone. He had asked her whether she was going to stay.

"I'm not going to leave you, Chuck," Blair had said soothingly. Chuck smiled a dazzling smile that would be engraved on Blair's memory forever. Blair had patted his head, finished brushing her teeth, and crawled into his bed, snuggling up next to him. She had stayed for two weeks.

Now, Blair stared at him. He was obviously happy about something. She could sense an air of excitement about him.

"You worried about Nate?" he asked her. Blair looked at Chuck. "Just a shot in the dark," he said, although he always knew how she felt. She nodded slowly like she was thinking what he could be up to.

"I think you know what you need to do to get Nate's attention," he said, handing her a key to his suite.

"What's this?" she asked.

"The key to my suite, Nate's heart and your future happiness," Chuck said, smiling. She took the key. He couldn't wait to see the drama that went down when Blair found Serena already there, waiting for Nate. That's what this was about. Blair's future happiness did not include Nate and Chuck knew it. He was just speeding things up. "I'm honored to be playing even a small role in your deflowering," he said, smugly.

_Well, Chuck. We all know you always play a bigger role in other people's lives than anyone else knows._

"You're disgusting," Blair said, blinking innocently. She already knew this of course, being his friend for this long.

"Yes, I am. So why be shy? You should grab Nate and finish this. Report back with details."

Chuck watched her as she smiled at him then walked away. He looked on as she grabbed Nate and pushed him up against the wall, no doubt seducing him that very second. Chuck watched Blair pull Nate to the elevator and closed his eyes, smiling. He could almost feel the ripping of buttons, the soft silk of her porcelain skin on his…. But this wasn't his dream to live quite yet. Chuck turned away and shook his head. He couldn't have her. She was off-limits. But, no matter how hard he tried, Chuck couldn't physically or mentally ignore the huge hard-on he had right now.

* * *

Blair pushed Nate through seven rooms and into Chuck's bedroom before she noticed any reluctance in his kisses. He had noticed this was Chuck's suite.

"Nate," a voice came from inside the room and Blair whirled around. Serena was seated on the bed, staring at Nate and Blair who had nearly half their clothes off.

"What is she doing here?" Blair asked, pulling her dress back up and crossing her arms. "I was waiting for Nate," Serena said.

"Just to talk," Nate defended himself.

"You said you'd never speak to her again!" Blair screamed.

"Why would you say that Nate?" Serena asked, obviously hurt.

"Because you can't be trusted," Blair shot back.

"This is not Serena's fault," Nate said. "I asked her to come."

"Oh, so you _do_ want to speak with her," Blair accused.

Nate looked guilty. "Yes. To explain…why I'm not talking to her," he said lamely.

Blair looked from one to the other and then she said, "Well let me leave you two so you can have that fascinating conversation."

"Oh no. I'll go," Serena said, already getting her stuff to leave. "I'll let you guys get back to your…quickie." This was a low blow, even for Serena. She knew Blair was a virgin.

"It was not a quickie. Sex is meaningful to some of us, or wouldn't you know that," Bair screamed. "I bet your friend Dan would just love to hear about how classy you really are."

"No—Dan?" Serena said, but Blair was already running out of the suite and taking the elevator down. She went looking for Dan in the dining room, finding him standing awkwardly between two tables. Serena and Nate ran after her, arguing the whole way down the stairs.

* * *

Dan was standing alone eating some fruit when Blair Waldorf came running into the room, searching for someone. Her eyes landed on him and she walked over quickly, sticking her hand out. He shook it, feeling confused. She couldn't possibly have been looking for him…?

"Hi, I'm Blair Waldorf. I'm Serena's friend," Blair said. _Ha. Friend? More like enemy,_ Blair thought.

"Oh yeah. Do you happen to know where she is?" Dan asked. He had been waiting around, eating for nearly twenty minutes. How long did it really take for a girl to go to the bathroom?

"As a matter of fact, I do," Blair said, taking obvious relish in her revenge on Serena. Serena and Nate caught up to Blair, just in time for Dan to ask Serena himself where she had been.

"She was waiting in a hotel room," Blair said, before Serena could say anything. "For my boyfriend." She pursed her lips.

"To talk," Serena said, as she tried to catch her breath.

"About why we weren't talking," Nate added.

"That doesn't sound any smarter the second time," Blair said, crossing her arms.

"Why weren't you talking?" Dan asked, the naïve one in the group. Everyone looked at each other, but no one said anything. "Does this have anything to do with why you were waiting for Serena this morning?" he asked Nate.

"You were _what?_" Blair screamed.

Chuck Bass strode up to the small circle of people, smirking. "And here I thought you were waiting for me."

"Oh. Exactly what this situation needs," Dan sighed. "Chuck Bass. Now what is going on?" Dan was starting to feel like he was missing something.

"We were just getting to that," Blair said.

"Blair, please. Don't," Serena said. Her eyes pleaded with Blair, but Blair just smirked and asked, "Oh, do you want to tell him yourself?"

There was silence, then Chuck said, "I'll tell him."

Nate and Blair turned to him. "You know?" they asked in unison.

"I know everything," he said gravely.

"And apparently I know nothing," Dan said, exasperated, just wanting the story already.

Serena looked down, and started explaining herself to Dan, but Chuck cut in. "Serena. Stop trying to pretend you're a good girl. So you slept with your best friend's boyfriend. I kind of admire you for it." There was a long silence as Dan and Serena looked at the floor. Dan looked up. "Is that true?" he asked, looking at Serena.

"Well. Yeah. Then she ran away. And lied about it," Blair said. "I just thought you should know before you start falling for your perfect girl in her perfect world and then you get left all alone."

"His sister can keep him company," Chuck said smirking. "Oh. That's right. I believe she and I have some unfinished business"

"You stay away from her," Dan warned, pushing Chuck, who knocked into the cocktail waitress, who fell over. Cameras started clicking and Dan started feeling the heat creep up his neck.

"Everyone can stop looking now. He's a jerk," Dan said, pointing to Chuck. He sighed. "But it's my fault and I'm leaving."

"I'll come with you," Serena offered, her eyes glassy.

"Actually I'd prefer it if you didn't," Dan said harshly, walking away.

Nate turned to Blair. "I hope you're happy," he said.

She glared at him. "Not even close," she bit back, walking away angrily, leaving Nate and Serena to stare at each other. Nate looked down at the floor, then followed Blair, leaving Serena with Chuck. She looked heart-broken.

"Looks like it's just you and me," Chuck said, taking advantage of the situation. "Rumor has it my suite upstairs is free," he joked, lightening the mood. Serena looked at him disgustedly, rolled her eyes, then stormed away.

_Some might call this a fustercluck. But on the Upper East Side, we call it Sunday afternoon._

* * *

"WHAT A CLUSTERFUCK!" Blair screamed as she threw her clothes around her room. There was a knock on the door and Blair screamed and hid under her covers, but not before chucking a spare shoe at the doorway.

"Hey Blair… Are you—OW! SHIT, BLAIR WHAT THE F-" Chuck yelled as he opened the door and the shoe hit him in the head. He stopped himself short and picked up a pillow, throwing it at her. She ducked and laughed, before chucking another shoe at him. But he was ready for her this time and he avoided the shoe, which clattered against her wooden floor as it missed Chuck. He picked up a large pillow and tackled Blair with it.

Blair hadn't been expecting this and was unprepared. His weight fell on top of her and she fell back on her pillow laughing. Suddenly his weight shifted and they both fell off the bed on top of each other, leaving the pillow on the bed behind them. Blair stopped laughing and looked up at Chuck who was lying on top of her. He cracked a smirk and she started laughing hysterically, her body moving under his in a purely immoral way. He rolled off her and she extended a hand out for him to help her up. He looked at her, then knelt and picked her up wedding-style.

"What the hell, Chuck?" she giggled, kicking her legs and swatting at his chest in a useless attempt to get out of his strong hold on her. He placed her on the bed and then sat down next to her.

"Finally!" Blair yelled, then she slapped him across the face.

"Ow!" Chuck said. "What was that for?"

Blair shrugged and giggled. "Because you're Chuck Bass and I'm Blair Waldorf and you should not be touching me like that!"

"Wait till you see how I could touch you," Chuck breathed at her, his eyes smoldering.

"Ew! Stop it Chuck," Blair said as she pushed him away. Chuck smirked at her. Blair's smile faded. They sat for a while, Blair on the bed with her knees to her chin and Chuck sitting on the edge of the bed, looking quietly at her.

Finally Blair broke the silence. "So you," she gulped and stopped. "You saw it…all." Her voice cracked on the last word and she looked down. She hated being this vulnerable.

Chuck sighed and looked at her, his eyes dark with secrets. "Yes I saw it all," he whispered.

"And you didn't tell me," Blair whispered.

"It wasn't my place," Chuck whispered back.

Blair gasped and broke down. The tears came, but she tried to restrain them. Her back heaved with the weight it was trying to suppress. She felt the bed move under her and suddenly Chuck was hugging her. There was nothing like hugging Chuck. She turned and buried her head in his chest. Chuck absorbed Blair's sobs into his strong back and sat there letting her cry on him. Finally, she let up a little and her breathing slowed. But she didn't let go and neither did he. Chuck didn't know why he didn't let go of her, but he felt that she wanted this. She wanted to stay there in his arms and not have to face the world. Blair closed her eyes and breathed deeply. Everything was calm, serene when she was in his arms like this. It wasn't a romantic hug. It was a friendship hug. A strong bond that both of them felt even when they weren't together. The bond only grew when the two puzzle pieces were fused together into an earth-shattering embrace. Blair felt guilty, but she knew that Nate could never hug her like this. They had never been this intimate with each other. Of course, Blair had almost had sex with him multiple times, but this was a completely different type of intimacy. This was the intimacy that Blair craved.

* * *

Nate and Blair lay on Blair's bed, the silence bouncing off the walls. They were still wearing their party attire. Blair had cleaned up all of the clothes she had thrown around her room, but she had been unable to get Chuck's smell off of her. She hoped Nate didn't notice, not like she actually cared what he did or did not think right now. Blair had her back to Nate and was staring off into nothingness. Nate shook his head, lying on his back, looking up at the ceiling. Finally he spoke.

"Blair. Either you forgive me and move on,"—this sounded like a horrible option to Blair—"or we end it." That also sounded like a horrible option to her. Nate put his hand on her shoulder and she made a choice. She knew they were over, but Nate seemed to be willing to change. She could only hold on for a little longer, but she was willing to take all she could get. Blair took his hand, gripping it tightly, hoping that this showed she wanted to stay with him. She wanted them to be just like their hands, practically inseparable, but they had broken a long time ago, maybe even before she had found out about him and Serena. But she needed to keep up her reputation. She squeezed his hand, cursing herself for being so selfish. The end titles to her film rolled, but she had walked out in the middle.


	11. If The Shoe Fits, Wear It

**Thanks you guys for waiting this long. It's been hectic with exams and stuff. Thanks for being patient.**

**Just one more thing: Who loved the finale? Cause I know I did! Chuck and Blair together! FINALLY. Oh, how I love them so...**

**Now you can go ahead and read. Enjoy!**

* * *

_"If the shoe fits, wear it."_

~Chinese Proverb

...and if it doesn't, then make it.

* * *

Blair looked politely at the headmistress as she gave her speech about Ivy week. She had been dreaming about getting into Yale since she was five. It was her dream, and she was damned if she wouldn't get it. Blair was someone who always got what she wanted. Always.

Blair remembered when her father had handed her his old Yale sweatshirt with a gentle, warm smile on his face as he recounted his Yale days. Blair might have only been seven at the time, but ever since that day she had vowed that she would get into Yale and make her father proud. Blair had worn the sweatshirt to sleep every night, not only because it was her school of choice, but also because it smelled like her father. _If the sweatshirt fits, then wear it,_ her father had told her all those years ago. The sweatshirt had been big on her for many years and still was, but Blair was the type of person who would _make _the sweatshirt fit.

Blair glanced over at Nate, who was moving along his seat, following Chuck out for a morning joint. He would need it. The interviews for the usher spots were today and his dad had been pressuring him to get into Dartmouth since he was ten. Nate wanted to keep his options open, look out west, something in California maybe. _California,_ Nate mused. _The city of light and sun._ Nate was looking forward to college only because it meant an escape from the world he lived in. Escape, freedom, choices, sun, light, happiness. _Serena_.

"_Nate…" Serena answered her phone instantly, without thinking. _

_She faltered when she heard his voice._

"_She knows," he whispered. Serena stopped walking and took a deep breath._

"_What?" she breathed back._

"_She knows…" Nate said, trying to clarify. Serena's ears seemed to be blocked. The cars flew by on the street next to her, but all she could hear was '_she knows….she knows…'

_It reverberated in her mind. "I told her," Nate said, and Serena didn't hear him. "Serena…ever since that night I couldn't stop thinking about you…"_

"_No," Serena cut in. "No, Nate. What we did was wrong."_

"_Maybe we can make this right…" Nate barely breathed it, but he knew Serena had heard him._

"_No, Nate. You need to talk to Blair."_

"_You didn't see how mad she was. I can't fix this now."_

"_Yes, you can! Just…" Serena faltered for a second. "Just tell her you don't care about me. That you never did. Tell her you'll never speak to me again…"_

_Serena felt the pain in her heart as she said these words. She had told Nate 'I didn't come back for you.' But she had. She definitely had. And among the other reasons, Serena felt the pull, then unstoppable and invisible pull of her own personal sun calling from New York. So she had had to return. And now she was facing the consequences._

"_Why, Serena? Why would I do that?" Nate questioned her._

_Serena's resolve started to crumble. They both knew why._

Because I love you._ "Because I'm asking you too." Serena knew it was far from the truth, but it was the best she could do. She had to continue to weave her web of half-truths so she wouldn't drown. If someone were to go down, it would be her. She couldn't bring Nate down with her._

_Nate didn't say anything. He knew she was right, but he didn't want it to happen this way._

_He had seen the lie in her eyes when she had spoken to him outside the Palace. Nate wasn't selfish in thinking she had come back for her. Of course she hadn't. But he knew that what they felt for each other was real. Maybe the sun was just too strong for the pair. They seemed to get blindsided every time they tried. The heat and intensity was passionate and raw, real but harsh. He knew it could only end in combustion if the two suns were thrust together. But he wished that they could light the world. Together._

Nate shook his head with that thought. He knew it was wrong to think like that, especially with how his relationship with Blair was right now. But he couldn't help it.

His father wouldn't hear it.

"Dartmouth. Law school. Blair," he had said. "Soon you'll have everything. You just have to nail that interview today."

Blair frowned when she saw Nate leaving. Wasn't he interested in hearing the speech? She was momentarily distracted by this thought, but then she heard her name.

"Blair Waldorf will announce the charity our community outreach committee will honor this year." Blair smiled and sat up just a little straighter as she adjusted her white headband so that her hair ran smoothly under it. She already had an idea about the charity she was going to offer the schools help to.

--

As usual, Serena was late. She had slept at the hospital last night with her brother, and had needed to run home and change before she ran to school. She was missing the Ivy Week speech, which was definitely bad, because she wanted to get into college. More specifically, Brown. All she wanted was to finish high school and go away to a college in a town with lots of people who didn't know who she was. Which wasn't going to happen if she didn't get to school soon. Her cab pulled up to the gated entrance to her school and she ran in, her above-the-knee grey suede boots knocking against her bare legs. She walked in. The assembly was already over. Blair walked out, looking smug.

"Oh too bad. You missed the assembly. It doesn't really matter though," she said. "I heard that Brown doesn't offer degrees in _slut_." She laughed and walked away. Her minions gave Serena some last glares, then followed Blair to field hockey practice.

--

Blair's phone rang. She groaned inwardly, then sat up and checked the caller ID.

_Perfect._ _Just whom I wanted to speak to._

She sent Kati and Isabel away from icing her leg and sat up, answering her phone.

"Finally," she said with an impatient ring to her tone.

"Well. Hello to you too," Chuck drawled. He was riding in his limo, on the way home from school. "Heard about the field hockey throw down. All those short skirts…I hope someone filmed it."

It was true. Serena and Blair had had a huge physical fight right on the field in the middle of practice. It had started with Blair just tripping Serena a couple of times on purpose, but this had set Serena off and she had attacked Blair. Blair had used this attack to her advantage and had faked an injured leg so Serena would get thrown out of the game. Now she was seething from the attack, ready to hear what Chuck had to say. She wanted answers and reasons. She wanted to know why Serena came back. Chuck was always best when it came to uncovering secrets.

Blair scoffed at his blatant sexual innuendo, but smiled. "You're heinous."

"Which is probably why you called," Chuck said, the truth of their relationship pretty evident.

"You know me well," Blair said with a smile and more truth than Chuck could have ever spoken in four words.

Chuck's breath caught. He knew her better than he knew himself, but this was not something that anyone else could ever know. This was such a personal thing that they shared. They had a connection that Chuck cherished, one that couldn't be broken by the trivial games of Serena or Nate with their hopes of freedom and choices. No. Chuck and Blair had always been the more practical of the four. Although they were flamboyant, they had problems that shook their calm and resolve. They knew what it was like to work hard for something, not just have it given to you. They knew what disappointment was better than anyone. And this was why they understood each other so well. They were opposites, yet the same. Dark only seemed to collect more darkness. It was never-ending. Light could be ended. But only by darkness.

He blew his shock off by joking around. "Women like to pretend they're complicated. I know better." He looked out the window, judging how far he was from her apartment. He thought about going there to see what she needed, but then she spoke again.

"Serena came home for a reason and I want you to find out what that reason was," Blair said. "No one likes to be on the ground floor of a scandal like Chuck Bass."

"I am a bitch when I wanna be," Chuck said smoothly.

"Opportunity to…cause some trouble? Uncover a secret?"

"Yes is the answer," Chuck said with a smirk. He felt her smile on the other end of the line. He hung up. Yes was always the answer to Blair. Chuck and Blair never said goodbye. It would have been too harsh to do so. Instead, they always ended these conversations with a small smirk, a laugh, or a snide comment, a rebuke. Something that would keep them on their feet until the next round of the game began. And it was never too long until it would.

He motioned to his driver to turn around and go back to school, but then stopped when he saw a flash of gold. Serena was walking down the street next to him. How convenient. He motioned for the limo driver to follow her. She turned into the hospital. The plaque on the door read **Ostroff Treatment Center**. Chuck took a picture with his phone, then called Blair with the news.

--

Blair flicked through the images on her desktop as Chuck leaned over her. She was having a hard time concentrating, something that was very unusual for her. All she could think of was the smell of Chuck's personal cologne: scotch, cigarettes, and luxury. It permeated the room and was making Blair dizzy. She couldn't quite place it, but she felt a slight twinge in her stomach.

_I haven't eaten anything all day_, she thought, as she tilted her head to the side in thought.

"Come on. Even for me, these are good," Chuck gloated, breaking her thoughts.

"If you weren't such a perv I'm sure the CIA would hire you in a second," Blair said as she snapped back to reality.

"Defending my country. Now there's a future I never imagined," Chuck pondered in his faux innocent voice.

"With good reason," Blair retorted. "What's she doing there?"

"What's anyone doing there? It's a facility for the disturbed or addicted."

Blair swiveled around in her chair as Chuck walked over to her mirror and fixed his scarf. He was always doing things like this. Fixing his scarf, tightening his jacket, adjusting his cufflinks or straightening his tie. Chuck felt the unconscious urge to fix things about himself. It was something Blair loved about him; no matter how confident he made himself seem, he was always going to be just as insecure as she was. It was something they shared, a level of perfection that they both tried desperately to reach, but fell just short of accomplishing.

"You must have your own wing," she said.

He turned and looked at her, smiling. "You don't get nearly enough credit for your wit."

She smiled back at him as she swiveled. She couldn't stop fidgeting. She didn't know what was wrong with her. Blair Waldorf _did not_ fidget. Fidgeting was a sure sign of discomfort, weakness. Blair knew she wasn't perfect; in fact, she was far from it. No one was perfect in Blair's eyes, but she tried just a little harder than everyone else. There was nothing wrong with being human once in a while. But no one was meant to see this. Blair needed her armor, her strong front. She would never let it down.

He loved complimenting her. He just couldn't help himself. What wasn't there to compliment? She was smart, beautiful, and cunning. She was his dream girl. Except…she wasn't his. Chuck flinched at the small adjustment his brain had had to make in order to fufill reality. He would never be good enough for someone like Blair. He was Chuck Bass, and Chuck Bass didn't do relationships, commitments, or restrictions. Chuck snapped out of this small reverie and focused on the mission of the day. "So what do we do now?"

"I was thinking total social destruction," Blair said, with a smile on her face, like she did this type of thing everyday. Which she probably did.

"And here I thought you were getting soft…" Chuck smirked, looking at her. "So. This is your bed, huh?" he ventured. He didn't really want to have sex with her; he just enjoyed the blush that came to her face whenever he tormented her. That blush was just for him. Chuck enjoyed pushing Blair's boundaries, her limits. He knew that only he would do it and that only she would let him. Something about it gave him a thrill, almost as if he was pushing Blair until that small part of her that had been hiding all this time broke free. He wanted to know how far he could push her before she fell off the edge of her own cliff and became the true Blair Waldorf. For now, she composed her face into a dark glare. "Leaving. Now."

"Fine. You can repay me later," Chuck spat, clearly annoyed. Their encounters were usually speckled with these types of conversations. No matter how far he pushed Blair, she always pushed back. She was stronger than he had ever imagined. It was a battle of the wills. He walked out, not wanting to leave Blair, but not wanting to intrude on her anymore. He would find a way for her to repay him.

Blair turned around, smiling. Whether it was because of her victory over Serena or Chuck's comment, she didn't know. All she knew was how happy she felt inside right now.

--

Blair stood on her podium, ready to announce the charity that she had chosen to contribute to this year.

"This year our schools have chosen to honor the Ostroff Center. We feel that it benefits the community directly, even helping one of our own. Serena van der Woodsen," she said, pronouncing the name very clearly so there'd be no mistake as to who was a patient there, "would you please come up here?" There was a flurry of movement and Serena finally stood on the podium. Blair looked at Chuck, smiling. He smiled back. Their plan had worked. Just like every other time.

--

"Nothing I do to you will ever compare to what you did to me Serena," Blair said, trying to keep her calm as she yelled at Serena who had pulled her over to a corner to talk to her. Her eyes filled with the hurt she had been repressing for months now. _Insult and flight_, Blair thought. She couldn't let the enemy see this weakness. Not now. She put on a straight face, the armor going up as she straightened into a tight position and smoothed out the non-existent wrinkles on her clothes.

"Now. Unlike you, I have a future to get back to." She left Serena broken and her face wide open with the pain she now felt at losing her best friend.

--

"_Can I speak with you a second_?" Blair felt someone touch her arm. She turned and saw Eric van der Woodsen standing next to her looking pissed as anything. His expression left everything to the imagination and he sounded as if she didn't have a choice. She decided to talk to him. She had always respected the younger of Lily's children. He was young, but wise beyond his years.

"Sure," she responded, smiling at her friends as she walked away. Eric turned and strode to an empty hallway; Blair wandered after him at a serene pace, worried about how this looked more than anything. Eric spun around suddenly and Blair looked at him thoroughly. His eyes now held a haunted look, one that Blair couldn't quite place; yet she couldn't quite shake the cold feeling it gave her either. Her smile faltered a bit.

"Serena's not a patient at the Ostroff Center," he said. Blair tried to say something, but he cut her off. "I am."

She looked at him weirdly, trying to gauge what his addiction was. Her brown eyes outlined the dark circles under his black ones and the pale skin of his face.

"I've never even seen you take a drink," she guessed, laughing off his sweet but futile attempt at defending his sister. Yet that cold feeling continued to creep down her spine. He didn't smile, he glared. His gaze was humbling and made her feel like the dirt on the bottom of his shoes.

"I'm not an alcoholic," he shot back. She just looked at him sweetly, wondering what his problem really was. He looked down at the floor then said, "I did this."

Eric pushed away the sleeve of his shirt on his right arm. Blair gasped. There was a huge red-pink vertical scar on the inside of Eric's wrist. Her hands shook and her smile faded as she looked at it. She looked dumbfounded. The chill took over her entire body and numbed her from the inside. Her heart seemed to have frozen.

"Eric...I didn't—" Blair started, shocked by this. The haunted look in his eyes registered somewhere in her brain. She felt a sudden urge to help him somehow. He had always been like a younger brother to her. She couldn't believe he had done this to himself.

"See that coming? Yeah. Well it must be a shock for someone who thinks she has everything," Eric said, his black eyes staring directly into Blair's brown ones. Eric walked away and Blair looked at the floor in shame.

Chuck sauntered up behind her. "What was that all about?" he asked, grinning.

Blair couldn't say anything for a while. She was too lost in her own thoughts. Half of her wanted to tell Chuck everything, to sob into his shirt until she couldn't feel anymore. But the other half—_the smarter half,_ she told herself—knew she should keep up her armor, let this slide off, don't let anyone see the cracks.

Chuck started to worry that something was really wrong. He reached out to touch her shoulder, but retracted it when she turned to him and spoke. Finally she whispered, "Nothing." Her eyes brimmed with the pain she had never felt and the tears she had never shed for the brother she had never had.

--

" '_I can't talk to my mom. Nate's acting weird. I have no one to talk to_"—this was not completely true. Blair had had Chuck, but she didn't even think he counted, despite his innate ability to calm her—" '_Where are you? You're supposed to be my best friend. Why did you leave without saying goodbye? I miss you S. Love, Blair'_," Blair finished reading Serena the letter that she had written to Serena when she had left for boarding school. She had never sent it, but now she felt as though it was the right time for Serena to know how she had felt. Blair knew that the only way to alleviate her worry is to get rid of this problem. This was the cause of her continued stress. She needed her best friend. "You knew. You knew what was up with Nate and you didn't tell me," Blair accused, her eyes growing glassy.

"I didn't know how to be your friend. I didn't know what to say after what I had done," Serena said looking down She was finding it hard to look Blair straight in the eye and her voice cracked.

Blair had found Serena sitting in front of the old fountain they had always gone to when they were little. She often found Serena here when she was upset. Serena had been sitting on a bench in bleached flare jeans and a wide-brim hat. She looked like she'd been crying. The area around her eyes was red and raw as if she'd been rubbing at her eyes.

"I'm so sorry," Serena said, breaking down, her voice cracking on every other syllable.

Blair said, "Eric told me what happened." Serena looked up. "I guess your family has been going through a lot lately."

This was Blair's form of an apology, and it was truly the best she could do. Serena saw how close Blair was to crying and she accepted it. Serena could feel it now. They were going to be OK.

_Not so fast S. You're forgetting one thing. Now that S and B have made up, who's going to be the new Queen? Only time will tell._

_xoxo _

_Gossip Girl_

* * *

**Reviews are always welcome! The more reviews I get, the faster I write.**

**xoxo**


	12. Remedy and Redress

"**If a mother was Sacrifice personified, then a daughter was Guilt, with no possibility of redress."**

~Milan Kundera 'The Unbearable Lightness of Being'

--

"Miss Blair! It time to wake up," Dorota said, trying not to disturb Mrs. Waldorf, who was downstairs previewing her fashion line. "Your mother would like you downstairs."

Blair woke up from her horrid dream. And it truly had been horrid. She pulled off her eye coverings and rubbed her eyes delicately, yawning and stretching her arms above her daintily.

Blair always remembered her dreams because they were vivid, like clips from a movie. In her dream, she had driven up to a store in an old-fashioned taxi and stepped out in a simple black shift dress, holding a little white bag filled with croissants and a white no-brand name coffee cup in her right hand. This store was Henri Bendel and it appeared quite frequently in Blair's dreams. Blair was practically Audrey Hepburn in the flesh. Her black shift dress hugged her body and she wore pearls and dark sunglasses. Her hair was made up in a tight, fancy bun and she wore white gloves and some pearl bracelets. She looked like she had just come from a ball, even though it was quite early in the morning, seeing as there was practically no one on Fifth Avenue.

Blair had looked into the window, expecting to see one of the extremely avant-garde artistic fashion displays that the store often displayed. This store catered to both New and Old Money, so the interior nearly always looked hip and fashionable, yet it had an antiquated and respectable air about it.

_Yeah. Money can do that to a place._

But instead of a fashion display, there were two girls in antiquated French maid uniforms. They were about the same height, and they balanced out. One stood on each side of a lovely blonde girl who was sitting at a fancy tea table and being served tea by the other two girls. The girl was wearing a black lace shift evening dress. It cut low on her chest, revealing some of the gorgeous pale skin of her body. She wore a black headband in the middle of her shiny, curled blonde hair. Her lips were painted a dark red, making it look like she had smeared blood across her lips instead of Chanel Vamp. Using only motions, one of the maids showed the blonde girl a croissant, which she courteously declined, laughing. She waved at Blair, smiling. Her laugh was like tinkling bells and it bounced inside Blair's mind as she stared at this picturesque, yet horrible scene.

Blair turned toward the door, where a doorman stood, waiting to help the next person who walked in off of Fifth Avenue.

He held up his hand. "Sorry but you're not on the list," he said.

"Of course I am. This is _my_ dream," Blair said, starting to get irritated, and just a little scared. Her voice started to crack.

"Not anymore," the doorman said, his voice starting to change, as she slowly started to wake up.

Blair sat up in bed after she had stretched and yawned. She pulled on a long, navy blue silk robe with white lining and pushed her white fluffy slippers onto her feet. Of course she knew what this dream meant. Serena. She was taking over, and there was nothing Blair could do about it. Blair walked down the stairs. She barely recognized her entrance hall and living room; it was so crowded with people, racks of clothing, and pieces of paper. Her mother sat on the couch eating a biscuit, while Serena herself sat adjacent to her, sipping coffee and dipping her croissant in it. Speak of the devil.

"Oh, Blair dear. I was just telling Serena the fabulous news," Eleanor said, taking a bite of her biscuit. She had been in Paris for a week, promoting her fashion line, so it was kind of a surprise for Blair to see her there. Blair sat down, awaiting the news. "Bendels is interested in carrying my line!"

"Mother! That's great," Blair said, really meaning it. As her mother started talking about how her fashion line would become a "lifestyle brand", Blair surveyed the tray of food on the coffee table, finally picking out a small butter croissant like Serena had been eating. She tore off a piece and was about to take a bite of it when her mother said, "Before you tuck into that, you might find the low-fat yogurt more appealing."

Blair put the croissant down, frowning at her mother, then looked at Serena. Serena took another bite of her croissant, but when Blair looked at her she looked guilty and put it down, suddenly feeling very awkward. She got up and went over to a rack of clothes, flipping through them, secretly letting Blair talk to her mother.

"I lost two pounds while you were away mother," Blair said, her tongue unintentionally making the words bitter.

"And you look fabulous," her mother replied, looking distractedly at Serena not Blair, as Serena surveyed her clothes. Serena made a remark about one of the designs, and Eleanor rushed over to talk fashion with her, hoping to get her opinions on some of the pieces.

"Oh no, sorry Mrs. Waldorf," Serena said. "I can't today. Blair and I have plans!"

"We do?" Blair asked. She was surprised and she still had food in her mouth, making the words a little muffled. She swallowed, a frown coming to her face.

--

Chuck sorted through the piles of stuff he had in his suite, finally finding the item he had been looking for for nearly a week.

"Found it! P&J," Chuck said, standing up. Nate looked at him, then registered the watch in his hand and sighed with relief.

"You can just call it a watch," Nate said, laughing.

"If it costs more than ten grand, it earns a proper name," Chuck said, placing the watch in a drawer, along with a couple of other valuables, and then locking it. He placed the key under one of the antiquated candleholders he never used. Just then a knock came on the door. Chuck and Nate looked at the door, then Chuck pointed at Nate, a look of pure excitement coming to his face, and said, "Here we go."

--

"You've lived through Ivy Week," Chuck said, holding a glass of scotch and standing on a table in the middle of his suite, addressing the fifty or so people crowded around, drinking, talking to girls, and laughing. "And hopefully gained entry to the college of your choice. Now," he continued, smiling. "Let's ruin those chances. Let me remind you of the rules. As of this moment, there is no outside world that I do not show you. You eat what I provide, you practice what I preach. Until I say so, the only girls you talk to are the ones I've paid for," he said, as everyone laughed. "Let the last weekend commence," he yelled, spreading his arms wide and looking more like a prophet that a party animal. He jumped down from the table and went to talk to Nate just as a scruffy looking boy wearing a Native American covering and sandals with socks walked in.

"Is that Carter Baizen?" Chuck asked, his smile fading. This guy was the ultimate idiot. He had denounced his rich family for a lifetime of work and service that would "benefit the cause" as he so proudly announced to everyone he met. Carter had been a senior when Chuck and Nate had been in the eighth grade, and they had looked up to him then. He had been the coolest senior boy and had thrown the best parties. He had snuck them into their first club and given them their first joint. He was the one who had _started_ the Last Weekend.

"He looks intense," Nate said, noting the circles under Carter's eyes.

"Are you high?" Chuck asked, knowing this was very probable. "He looks like Matthew McConnaughey between movies."

Despite Chuck's protests, Nate went over to greet Carter like an old buddy, clapping him on the back and smiling like an idiot. Chuck scowled.

_Doesn't Chuck know it's not a party until someone crashes?_

_--_

Blair and Serena walked down the street, lugging their day's work. They had gone heavy-duty shopping, for the most popular reason: none. Boys had been whistling at Serena all morning, leaving Blair wondering what was wrong with her. First her mother, then guys? Seriously, what was going on? Serena tried to blow this off, stating that they were whistling at both of them, but Blair wasn't buying it.

"She likes you more than me," Blair accused of her best friend.

"She does not!" Serena said, stopping. "You're her daughter. She doesn't like anyone more than you. She just…doesn't know how to show it sometimes." Serena struggled with an explanation for Blair, wishing at times like these that Eleanor wasn't so distant or cold.

Blair held up her hand and motioned that she was going in the restaurant and that she would be right back. When she got out, she found Serena talking to that Dan Humphrey, Brooklyn Rat. She smelled something that was suspiciously like pork and cheese and her stomach turned. She hadn't eaten much today.

"Well. When you're done with your charity work," Blair said, sneering at Dan, "I'll be in Tory Burch looking at ponchos."

Serena and Dan stared after her as she flounced away.

--

Carter was seated between Chuck and Nate at the wet bar, recounting his life story. Again. Chuck rubbed his face and took another swig of his scotch, which seared his throat. He was definitely losing his patience.

"Last time I saw you, your sister said your family had locked you out and you'd fallen off the face of the earth," Nate said.

"I didn't," Carter said. "I just fell off the face of theirs. You see, when you turn away from money, it doesn't buy you freedom, it pays for your prison."

Chuck rolled his eyes and took another swig of scotch. Nate looked like he was seriously considering this. This scotch was just tasting better and better as the night went on. Every swig he took burned his throat, making it hard to speak. By the end of the night he might not be able to talk anymore.

_Now we know where he gets his deep voice from._

Chuck was really wishing that Carter would drink a huge bottle of scotch and become permanently mute so they could lock him in a closet. Too bad the boy didn't drink. He was breaking all the rules. The rules that _he _had set up! If you were going to crash the Last Weekend, you might as well drink. But no, Carter was all goody two-shoes and purity now. Chuck didn't buy a second of it.

"The real world is about who you are, not what you own," Carter continued.

Chuck finally broke in. "As much as I _love_ the speech about not needing material things, coming from a guy that has _that much_ product in his hair," Carter winced sarcastically at Chuck's criticism, "this party is about excess, not exposition. Stop talking. Start partying. Now who's with me?" He looked at Nate who looked at Carter.

"I think we're gonna hang here for a while," Nate said.

"Fine," Chuck snapped, having finally lost his patience with his best friend. "I'd hate to break up your bromance." He walked away as Nate and Carter started talking about cards.

_Bromance—noun: a romance between two males that is not romantic, but merely a strong friendship, where the two individuals do nearly everything together._

_Too bad. Chuck is jealous. Who didn't tell Nate that you can only have one best friend?_

_--_

"How about this one?" Serena asked, twirling around, showing Blair the dress that she had picked off the rack in Blair's foyer. Blair stared at the dress and almost winced at the perfection with which Serena displayed it on her body. Blair looked down at the rack and eyed a dress that she loved, but would look hideous on her. She would need much longer legs for a dress like that, and maybe smaller shoulders. Like….Serena. She winced and faked a smile as she looked at Serena prancing around, modeling clothes.

The two girls were looking over Eleanor's designs as she talked with her consultant about the model that they would use in the ads for Bendels. Serena's ears perked up when she heard Blair's name being discussed.

"She'd love to," Serena screamed, twirling Blair around to face her mother, posing her like a true model. Eleanor looked at Blair once, then nodded, a smile coming to her face. "She'll be the new face of Waldorf."

Blair looked from Serena to Eleanor, surprised. Slowly a smile crept across her face and by the time she and Serena were ready to go to dinner together, her insides were bursting with happiness. Finally. A chance to impress her mother.

_Not so fast B. Where does Serena fit into this equation?_

_--_

The photo shoot was not going entirely well. Blair didn't feel all that confident anymore, despite how good she looked. They kept telling her to loosen up, which was very hard for her to do, especially now because she was so stressed. She kept wondering if she was maybe just not cut out for this. Serena came over, showing her how to do it. As she imitated Britney with an umbrella, she felt her confidence returning. She gripped an invisible umbrella and hit at the invisible car, imagining Chuck there instead, which always did the trick. Blair felt happy for the first time in awhile as she fooled around with her best friend. The cameras flashed off her porcelain skin.

--

"Phase three: club crawl," Chuck announced as he stepped out of his limo and stretched his arms wide, showing off the Irish pub he had discovered a couple of years ago as a freshman. While Chuck encouraged the boys to have a good time, Nate sat in the back of the limo, looking out at where Chuck was giving his little speech. Finally, he sighed and got out.

"Come on," Chuck said, smiling. "You can think about your boyfriend inside."

"I'm not coming," Nate said weakly. It was obviously very hard for him to say this. Standing up to Chuck was a nasty business. Nate had decided he wanted to take Carter up on his offer earlier and he had already Map Quested the apartment where the card game would be held.

Chuck had turned to go in, naturally thinking that Nate would follow him, and now he turned around, the smile wiped clean off his face.

"Come on Nate. Carter Baizen sucks," he said. Only Chuck could say this and keep a straight face. "I don't know what he did to you, but believe this. He can't be trusted."

"It's exactly as he said. The money, the drugs, the sex; they're just keeping us numb so we don't see what's out there in the real world," Nate argued.

"The real world?" Chuck exclaimed. "The real world is, everyone wants to be us. We are what you aspire _to_, not what you run away _from_." Chuck said this with feeling, really believing it.

"You really don't get me, do you?" Nate said, his voice becoming lifeless. He didn't know how wrong he was. Chuck knew more about Nate than Nate knew about himself. This assumption made Chuck angry.

"I hear you talk about what you_ don't_ want Nate. You _don't_ want to go to Dartmouth. You _don't_ want to end up like your father. Tell me. What _do_ you want?" Chuck finally said, annoyance in his voice.

"I don't know," Nate said, sighing. He seemed defeated, like a lost puppy in the rain.

"But it's not this," he decided, and walked away.

--

"Goodnight Blair. I'll take you to the photo shoot tomorrow," Eleanor Waldorf said, patting Blair's chestnut hair as she sat on the bed, Blair tucked under the covers like she was seven. "You looked beautiful today," she continued.

Blair looked up into her mother's eyes, which seemed sincere when she said this. Blair felt elation. She had never heard this from her mother before.

"Really?" she asked, hoping she wasn't dreaming. Everything was just so good right now. The photo shoot, her mother, Nate. Blair went to sleep feeling happier than she had in a long time.

Downstairs, Eleanor pulled on a plush cotton robe before letting her guests in. Her fashion consultant and the photographer walked in, carrying pictures of Blair and Serena's photo shoot. There was a lot of pointing and nodding of heads. The light was turned off. The sun rose, shedding an eerie glow over a photo of Serena that was on the top of a stack of fashion photos.

_Too bad B. The morning sunshine sometimes brings sorrow._

_--_

_The rules for a model before a fashion shoot are similar to those of a patient pre-surgery. No food or drink twelve hours prior. Wear comfortable clothes. And make sure your affairs are in order. You never know what could go wrong._

Blair woke up with the smile still on her face. She pushed her eye coverings off and looked at herself in her full length mirror, assessing that in a couple of hours, she'd be on the cover of her mother's fashion catalogs and ads. She pushed on some comfortable quilted navy blue slippers and flounced down the stairs, her hair bouncing and flowing prettily behind her as she descended. Her mother was waiting in the hall, a jacket on and her bag in her hand. Blair stopped and looked at her, hoping she wasn't late. How dreadful would that be for her first photo shoot?

Her mother spotted her and a frown came to her face. She took off her glasses and rubbed her nose, still looking at Blair.

"What is it? Am I late? Did I oversleep?" Blair said quickly, dreading her mother's answer. Her hopes were already deflating rapidly. She knew that look.

"Darling, I have some…bad news," her mother said. "That fool of a photographer thinks we need to go in a different direction with the model. I can't apologize enough. I know you were looking forward to this shoot."

Blair's face crumpled, but she tried to hold it together, making sure her mom didn't see how disappointed she really was. "Oh," she said. "It's ok. I'm kind of glad I don't have to go to the shoot actually. It'd be kind of boring anyway." Blair was lying to herself. She'd been looking forward to this for days, ever since Serena had volunteered her for the position. The smile that she had been wearing for the last couple of days had started to fade when she had seen her mother's face, but now it was completely gone, replaced with a pained smile.

"We'll go for dinner. Steak-frites and crepes at Café Des Artistes," her mother said, hugging her. "Just like old times."

Blair took out her cell phone as her mother walked away. She wiped a tear away from her face, trying to smile as she dialed Serena's number. Now that Blair wasn't there, she didn't need to be either. As Serena's voicemail answered, Blair picked up one of the many model service cards that her mother kept around the house, in case she ever needed a spare model in a tight spot. Blair looked at it and got an idea.

"Maybe we should crash the shoot anyway. See who they replaced me with. We could make fun of the skinny bitch," Blair said, liking this idea more by the second. The smile returned, only this time her eyes burned with revenge.

--

Chuck was still wearing a green party hat when he walked into his suite and closed the door. Now that the Last Weekend was over, he could unlock his safe drawer and put his valuables back where they belonged. He picked up the antiquated candleholder and slid out the key, sticking it in the lock and turning. He opened the drawer and stared. Nothing was there. He looked deeper into the drawer, but there was nothing. His valuables were gone. Chuck only knew one person who knew where the key was hidden. He whipped out his phone, typing a text rapidly.

**We need to talk. Where are you?**

With a grimace, Chuck sent the text off to Nate. Within seconds, he received a text back from Nate.

**Five Star in Queens. Call you later.**

Chuck didn't want later. He wanted now. He knew that Carter would be trouble, and he couldn't just leave Nate there. God only knew how much trouble he could get into. He took off his hat and slammed the drawer shut, walking out the door. He was going to get Nate. Even if meant having to go to….Queens. He shuddered at the thought, but braced himself. Nate was his best friend and he needed him.

--

Serena hadn't called Blair back, so she had decided to just go to the shoot herself, hoping to find Serena there already waiting. She got to the roof of the building, where the shoot was being held. Her smile turned to a frown for the second time that day.

Serena was standing on a platform in a silver floral dress, her hair done up in elaborate waves, a clip on the top of her head. She was wearing silver heels and a professional had done her makeup. But what bothered Blair was that the photographer was taking photos…. of _her_.

All the pieces in Blair's mind scrambled up quickly and put themselves together. Her dream had been right. Serena was stealing her title. Serena had lied to Blair and had volunteered Blair for this position so she would fail and Eleanor would choose Serena instead. Blair stared at Serena, outraged, as Serena waved at her, completely oblivious. Blair turned and stormed away. Serena frowned and ran after her, finally catching up to her on the stairs.

"Blair where are you going? Why are you so mad?" Serena questioned.

Blair whipped around. "Mad? I should be furious. You just couldn't deal with the spotlight shining on me for once, so you went and stole it!" Blair said, seething.

"What are you talking about? I was told we were doing this together," Serena said, mystified.

"And when I wasn't in hair and makeup, wasn't that odd? When I wasn't in the dressing room?" Blair said, her voice still seething.

"They told me you were running late. Come on Blair. Why would I try to steal something from you that I pushed you to do?" Serena said, getting mad.

Blair couldn't stand this anymore. Her rage boiled over. "Because you take everything from me!" she screamed. "Nate, my mom!" Serena started to say, "Blair—" but Blair cut her off, still screaming.

"You can't even help it. It's who you are! I should've known this time wouldn't be different," she said, as tears came to her eyes. She looked one last time in Serena's face and then she stormed away, not noticing Dan Humphrey hiding behind the stairs. He had heard everything. Serena didn't say anything, just looked down at her silver shoes and crossed her arms.

Disappointment and guilt sprung up in Serena's chest.

Dan snuck a peek from behind the stairs, confusion in his eyes as he watched the blonde run back up the many flights in her high-heeled shoes, and pity in his eyes as he watched the brunette storm away, a sob escaping her throat and her shoulders shaking.

--

Blair sat on the cold tiled floor, staring at her nails. She wouldn't cry. She just wouldn't. She sat there for a long time, occasionally rocking, keeping herself from crying, but every time she thought the tears were gone, she would feel the pressure form against her throat and her eyes would tear and she would have to start her entire process over again.

After four times of calming herself down, she heard feet on the stairwell, and went to get up, not wanting anyone to see her like this. But when she saw it was only Dan Humphrey, she sat back down. Who cared what he thought? He was from Brooklyn.

Instead of walking right past her like she was hoping he would, he slowed down and finally sat against the wall opposite from Blair.

"Let me guess. Serena sent you." Blair said this as a statement, not a question. Her voice was flat and monotone. Dead.

"Believe it or not, I actually came here myself," Dan said, his voice as surprised as Blair felt. Blair took this information in as Dan stared at the wall.

"Normally I wouldn't be this close to you without a tetanus shot," she said, her voice watery.

Dan sighed and looked down at her. The roles seemed to be reversed. He sat down, so that Blair wouldn't feel so looked-down on. He stretched his legs out so that his feet touched the opposite wall where Blair sat. She looked at his feet and shifted away from them; she was afraid he might be carrying a disease or something. Then he started talking.

"My mom. She left us a couple of months ago. Only my dad and my sister don't really see that. Cause she told us she had to go away for the summer to follow her dream of being an artist," Dan said, his voice strangled. He didn't look at Blair as he said this, and she noticed how hard it seemed for him to say it. "But now the summer's over, and she's still in Hudson. And that's all she seems to care about right now." Blair looked everywhere but at Dan now, not enjoying this conversation, but not being able to stop listening. "And every time I go to see her I tell myself 'This is the time I'm going to tell her how I feel.' Just the other week, I was sitting across from her in a restaurant all alone…And I didn't say anything."

Blair was surprised. She was expecting Dan to make a speech about how important it was to _communicate_. God did Blair hate that word. It encompassed the main problems of Blair's life in one word, four syllables.

"Why not," Blair said in a small voice.

"I don't know," Dan said, staring at his lap. "But I wish I had. Because even if it didn't change anything, she would know how I felt."

Dan looked Blair straight in the eyes. She looked straight back, then sighed and looked at the ceiling. She knew what she had to do know. And it wasn't going to be easy.

_A showdown between Queen B and Eleanor Waldorf? Get the popcorn. This oughta be good._

_--_

"Come on dude, take a chance," Carter said, his face straight just like everyone else in the dark circle. Nate and Carter were playing cards with a group of three other men who had on their poker faces. A low watt bulb that hung from a dusty lamp dimly lighted the room. Nate looked at Carter, then wrote down a number on the piece of paper he had been given since he didn't have the money he needed on him. He didn't feel good about this, but he put the piece of paper on the pile of chips in the center of the table. He flipped down his cards, a pair of sixes and everyone else flipped down theirs. He felt it instantly; even before he saw the three aces the man next to him had flipped down. He had lost.

"It might be a little while until I get the money," Nate said, thinking of his father and how he would explain a 10,000-dollar withdrawal from his bank account.

"A little while?" Carter asked, his face scrunching up in confusion. Finally he sat back and looked at the other players. He looked relaxed when he said, "Come on man. Snap your fingers."

Nate looked at him then realized he had been played. Carter knew he would lose and had urged him to put in all that money so he would pay up.

"You're in with these guys aren't you?" Nate asked, getting angry. He felt like an idiot for having trusted Carter. He should've listened to Chuck. He got up and pushed Carter, but the three other guys restrained him. "I guess that's a yes," Nate said, seething.

"Just give them the money. Money means nothing to you," Carter said. "These guys are serious, but no one needs to get hurt. Just pay up. I'm trying to help you out."

A voice came from the doorway. "Yeah. You're a real friend," Chuck said.

Carter turned around. "Who let you in here Bass?" he asked.

"He set me up," Nate yelled from the confines of the three men's arms.

"Nobody forced his hand. He lost fair and square," Carter defended himself.

"Did you?" Chuck asked Nate.

Nate didn't answer and Carter turned around. "Look man. If you don't give him the money right away, I'm gonna tell everyone where you live and they can go get it from your daddy. You think about that." Nate looked menacingly at Carter, wanting to kick his ass so badly.

Chuck strode over and grabbed Carter's arm, turning him towards him. He pushed him towards the door, speaking quietly. "Look. You have my watch and my ball. Keep them," Chuck said. "Take care of these guys. I don't call the cops and we walk out of here." Chuck looked like he was going to kill Carter any second. He looked lethal, his eyes burning furiously, his voice low and deadly. Carter looked at him, then sighed.

"It's cool. I got this," Carter said. The three men let Nate go and threw his jacket at him. He walked over to Chuck who took his arm and led him out of the club like a protective older brother.

--

Chuck paced his room as Nate used his laptop to log-in to his online bank account. Despite Chuck's adamant protests, Nate had decided he wanted to pay him back.

"I'm going to have to transfer some money and pray the Captain doesn't notice before I find a way to put it back," Nate said, referring to his father's sea name in the navy.

"You don't have to pay me back you know," Chuck said for the thousandth time that night. "It was worth every cent to see the last of that guy."

"I want to," Nate said, looking Chuck dead in the eye. "I mean it. Thanks." Chuck smiled and Nate looked back at the computer. His account balance read zero.

"That can't be right. It says I'm zeroed out," Nate said.

"Maybe you have the wrong account," Chuck said.

"No. There has to be something wrong. I accessed this account last month and it said there was almost two hundred thousand," Nate said, looking at Chuck. He picked up the phone and called his father's accountant, Tom, leaving a message. Tom called back almost immediately.

"Thank for calling back so quickly," Nate answered his cell phone, pacing the apartment. "I was online, accessing my account, and I came across what I assume is an error. My trust seems to have a zero balance."

"Oh. I thought you knew," Tom said, surprised. "That account was drained weeks ago."

"Drained?" Nate asked, surprised. "By who?"

"Your father," Tom said. "He said he discussed it with you." Nate looked at Chuck, who looked back, just as surprised as Nate. Nate hung up the phone, looking out the window to the street below.

--

Blair stormed up the stairs into her mother's studio. Her mother's fashion consultant noticed her and ran over, taking her by the arm. "Blair, there's been a terrible mistake," she said desperately. "Would you like your job back?" Blair ignored her and strode over to her mother.

"Did you choose Serena over me?" she asked directly. Her mother didn't answer her, just stared. "You could've picked a stranger. You didn't have to choose my best friend," Blair continued, her voice level. "Did you think I wouldn't find out?"

Finally Eleanor spoke. "I was going to tell you," she said. "Later. Over dinner. There was no right decision. There wasn't any time. I know you can understand. The whole thing was mishandled from top to bottom."

Blair just stared at her, then looked away and scoffed, "You actually want me to agree with you."

Her mother leaned closer. "Bendels will legitimize this company. They will take everything to the next level. You know how hard I've worked for that," she whispered, serious. She smiled, "You've always been my biggest supporter, my biggest fan."

"I'm your daughter," Blair said.

"And as my daughter I knew that you would forgive me. In time," Eleanor said. "But if my company had lost this deal because of you"—she shook her head and scowled—"I'd never forgive myself."

Blair gulped and braced herself to say something important. She had to do this just right or her mother wouldn't take her seriously.

"I hope you never do," Blair said, her face taking on a look of pure sincerity before she turned and left.

_You didn't hear it from me, but in every girl's life there comes a moment when she realizes that her mother just might be more messed up than she is._

_--_

Blair walked up the stairs for the second time that day and stepped out onto the roof where Dan and Serena stood talking, most likely planning their next date. "Friday, eight o'clock," Dan said. "No drama, no interruptions," Serena said as she hugged Dan and kissed him on the cheek.

"I think we can agree on those terms," Blair said, walking up to them. They turned to greet her. Blair looked at Dan.

"But you can't wear those shoes," Blair commented, looking down at Dan's brown suede Italian shoes that looked a little tacky. "Or that hair," she assessed critically. Dan looked at her and nodded, then hugged Serena again and left. Serena turned to Blair.

"So you were right," she said. Blair frowned then said, "I know."

"When I got that call, I should've known you had nothing to do with it," Serena said. "And I should never have pushed you to do this whole thing in the first place."

"Actually I'm glad you pushed me," Blair said. "It ended up being a very important day for me. I just thought it was going to be more fun."

"I know," Serena said, looking down. "Me too." The girls hugged, then Serena smiled. "You know what. We can still have fun," she said, pulled Blair down the stairs to the racks of clothing in her mother's studio. Serena took one dress off the hook, then looked at Blair. They both nodded. Blair and Serena piled every piece of clothing on the rack into their arms, then ran for it down the stairs.

_This just in. S and B committing a crime of fashion. Who doesn't love a five-fingered discount? Especially if one of those fingers is the middle one. You know you love me._

_Xoxo_

_Gossip Girl_


	13. Risky Business

**"****The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.****"**

~Michaelangelo

* * *

Blair breathed in, smelling the newly bought hydrangeas that were in her foyer, the expensive sheets that were being draped over the air mattresses in her living room, and the chocolate chip, almond, and peanut butter cookies, brownies, fruit, and coffee that had been set up on a table by the window in her living room. She looked down at her clipboard, checking off everything that she had done so far. Last thing on the list, inviting everyone. This was Blair Waldorf's annual sleepover. She had had one every year since she was nine, each one more decadent than the last. This one was going to top all the others. Everyone was going to be there, and they were going to have a blast. Blair set her clipboard down and grabbed her bag, heading off to school.

--

"What is this I hear?"

Serena pressed the end button on her cell phone just as Blair popped up from her table in the courtyard. She looked up at Blair as she fumbled to open her purse and return the cell phone to its place in her chaotic bag. Oblivious to Serena's disorderly fashion and her company, Jenny Humphrey, Blair continued, smiling. "Eric is coming home? It's perfect timing."

"How so?" Serena asked congenially.

"It gives your mother and brother bonding time tonight, while you get drunk and moon the NYU students from the limo," Blair said as though she had already made plans of this nature. Knowing Blair, as Serena did, she would probably never go for something that…trashy. But Serena was sure she had something perfect planned for tonight. Whatever tonight was…

"B what are you talking about?" Serena said as her memory lapsed and her brain tried to sort through the many important dates that Blair had in her social calendar.

"S. It's only the most important night of the fall," Blair reminded her, laughing at how silly she was for forgetting.

Serena looked at her vaguely as her brain registered exactly zero events that she could remember that were important to Blair except…._Oh._ "Ugh. The _sleepover_."

"I prefer _soiree,_" Blair said enchantingly. "Sleepover is _so_ sophomore year." Blair was disgusted with Serena's name for her party and therefore scrunched up her nose at its suggestion.

"Blair, you know I have plans with Dan tonight," Serena told her, mentally slapping herself in the head for forgetting the sleepover. Blair was going to massacre her. Blair looked at her vaguely, trying to remember who that was. Serena sighed. This was just so Blair. It was almost as though Dan had been blocked out of her memory. Was he really that…_forgettable?_

This time it was Serena's turn to refresh Blair's memory. "You know, the human being who is actually worthy of your attention and time," Serena reminded her. "I have a date with him tonight and it's unbreakable. Maybe we can stop by later—"

Blair cut her off; she was annoyed about the makeshift plan that Serena was now creating on the spot, trying to fit her into her _busy_ schedule. Blair mentally snorted. "I am a destination, not a stop along the way," Blair said, irked at Serena blowing her off. "If you refuse to attend, I'll have to fill your spot." Clearly agitated, she motioned to one of her minions, "Ladies, the waiting list."

Serena walked away with an awkward wave and a mental rolling of her eyes at Blair's antics. Blair looked at the list vaguely with dissatisfaction. Finally, she looked up, her eyes focusing on the almost unnoticed blonde standing in front of her. "You," she said offhandedly, a smile coming to her face as she passed the forgotten waiting list off to another of the minions.

"Me?" Jenny said, surprised, looking around as if Blair had been speaking to someone else. She never got invited to any type of parties from school.

"You have no plans tonight," Blair instructed her. "You're coming to my soiree." She smiled as she patted Jenny's arm in a stiff but congenial way. "My place, seven o'clock. And you have to be up for more than just sleeping," she added, smiling fakely.

"I'm up for anything," Jenny said, her eyes glowing. She bounced away happily.

"Ah, a girl's first sleepover," Blair said reminiscently. "It should be something she never forgets. Let's make sure of it." Her mouth curled into a wicked smile.

--

Blair sat in her room, finishing the last of her trigonometry homework. Dorota bustled in, asking her about fruit or tea or sheet colors or something of the sort. She waved her hand, listing the most practical and obvious choice. Dorota bustled out again, but didn't go downstairs. Instead, she stood in the doorway of Blair's room, undetected. She smiled softly at the petite brunette girl. She could remember when she was a little girl, running around in her perfect yellow and pink frocks with that devilish boy.

She watched as Blair printed the last of her homework into her notebook and put the books back on her desk. Blair then got a book out from under her bed. It was her diary, Dorota observed, from when she had been a child. Dorota had read it once, when Blair was quite young. She had found it and had been curious. Blair had even read one to her when she had been feeling particularly adventurous. Each diary entry was like a fairytale in and of itself. Dorota recalled small parts of her favorite story from the book. Some of the parts she recalled were from her memory, others from the diary, for her memory was not what it used to be.

_A small girl was frightened by the sounds of fighting coming from the room adjacent to hers. Fighting between parents, slamming doors, rain, and accusations. Dorota had been afraid for her and had called the first person she could think of, the one person who could always help her. Blair's knight in shining armor, he wasn't. But he was something of the sort to Dorota, even if Miss Blair hadn't realized it quite yet. He came over and held her hand and told her soothing stories, funny jokes, made up songs with her, lulled her to sleep as he talked to her. Then, when she was fast asleep, Dorota had peeked in to see him kiss her forehead, call her his 'angel' and fall asleep right next to her. Dorota had found them in the morning, dozing lightly and holding hands. The sight had warmed her heart and she had vowed to keep these two together. For one was not complete without the other. The princess and the devil._

Dorota heard the elevator. Blair heard it too and sprung to life, putting her diary back with a small smile and a pat of the hand. Dorota bustled to the foyer, partly because she wanted to greet the guests, but mostly because she didn't want to incur the wrath of her charge, the devil in disguise.

--

Jenny rode up to Blair's penthouse in the red velvet elevator. She stepped out into the foyer, carrying her pink kids sleeping bag. Dorota stepped up to take the bag, but Jenny held onto it, thinking she would need it. She walked into the living room, finally seeing why she wouldn't. There were eight air mattresses with silk sheets on them in varying pastel shades. Girls lounged around, getting their nails done, eating fruit, trying on clothes from the extensive racks on clothing that were on the side, and even getting facials. Jenny gawked. She'd never been anywhere this nice in her entire life. She pushed her sleeping bag into Dorota's hands, hoping no one had seen the potentially embarrassing piece of bedding.

"Jenny! So glad you could make it," Blair said, walking over to her and grabbing a grape off of one of the trays that the waiters carried as they walked around the room serving the girls. Jenny smiled and took a grape, suddenly feeling a tad underdressed, even though she was wearing far more clothes than every girl in this room put together.

_Doesn't Little J know that the faster you rise, the harder you fall?_

--

Jenny had to try on five outfits before she found one that wasn't too…ugh. She wore a yellow dress that fell an inch and a half above her knees with black strappy heels.

"I don't know. I don't feel right," Jenny said, looking at herself in the mirror. She had never seen herself look so grownup before. She wasn't sure if she liked it. As Blair looked at her though, she pushed those discomforts aside and realized that she looked good. She looked _mature_.

"Well, as my mother always says, fashion knows not of comfort," Blair sighed, repeating her mother's mantra. "All that matters is the face you show the world."

Jenny paused at these words, tilting her head to the side. She wondered how many faces Blair had. There was probably far more to her than anyone would ever discover, but Jenny wasn't about to go peeling back the layers of _Blair Waldorf_. She wasn't sure whether Blair was like an onion and that each time she pealed back another layer or cut into her, she would make Jenny cry.

There was a slight pause before Blair spoke again, this time jokingly. "And your face looks like it's going to a bat mitzvah. But before we continue the renovations—" Blair walked over to a glass cart that held martinis and picked one up, holding it out to Jenny.

"Oh. I don't drink vodka," Jenny said, waving it away.

Blair looked at her vaguely, seeing herself for a couple of seconds.

--

"_I don't drink vodka, that's gross," a thirteen-year-old Blair Waldorf whined as Chuck mixed a martini for her. It was the night before her birthday and she had ordered a mandatory movie night for the Non-Judging Breakfast Club. However…._

_After Nate had refused to come over for her movie night and Serena had been too preoccupied with Georgina to even pick up the voicemail she had left, Chuck had been the only one in attendance to witness her meltdown over the absence of her boyfriend and to complain about the company that Serena now kept. Chuck had decided a drink was in order and had started to make a martini. Of course, Blair knew exactly everything that was supposed to go into a martini. And it's calorie count. Of course, to her, vodka was not one of them._

"_Relax Waldorf," Chuck said. "I know what I'm doing. Don't get your panties in a bunch. I saw this in this movie once and I want to get it just right. I'll make yours in a second." And with this, Chuck had whipped out the vodka martini and a gin martini for Blair. She sipped it and felt relief wash over her mind. _

_She and Chuck had drunken a lot of alcohol by 9 that night. Blair had even asked Chuck if she could try the vodka martini he was drinking. Instead of making a new one, he had handed her his, without hesitation. She looked at the cup and then at him. He blushed and ran to make a new one, but she grabbed his sleeve and he sat back down. She sipped the martini and felt a tingling sensation in the pit of her stomach. She wasn't sure whether it was the drink or not. She started giggling like a child and Chuck looked at her questioningly._

"_We should play a game," Blair whisper-giggled to Chuck as she crawled on her knees across the carpet in her room. Chuck's eyes lit on fire. He was always up for a challenge._

"_You know how I love games," Chuck whispered. He was ready for whatever she threw his way._

"_But you're gonna have to be open about stuff," Blair said drunkenly, somehow still composed. "And I mean _everything_." She giggled again as she waved her hands around. Chuck just looked at her inquiringly with his eyes, asking her to go on._

"_We should play…I never," Blair said as she looked at Chuck's eyes. They dilated for a second, and then he agreed. He went to get a bottle of liquor and placed it between them as Blair sat up._

"_I'll go first," Blair said. "I never…plotted against Lauren Bernested so that I could win class queen in second grade." She started with something easy, hoping she wouldn't let her mouth betray her mind too easily. She took a drink._

"_OK," Chuck said. He took a drink._

"_Hey, you're not supposed to take a drink unless the confession is yours or if the confession of the other person is the same!" Blair exclaimed, clearly outraged by his complete disregard for rules._

"_Hey, hey slow down there Waldorf," Chuck said putting his hands up. "Maybe I never plotted against Lauren for the same thing. Did you ever think of that?"_

_Blair was quiet again, silently touched. Chuck looked at her and smiled, and then he began to think._

"_I never…asked my dad for purple polka dot pants and a bowtie to match," Chuck said. Blair looked at him, and then burst out laughing. He took a drink._

"_Yeah. Purple looks good on you," Blair said as her giggles died down. Chuck stared. She blushed._

"_I never thought of calling you first when I was planning my birthday party," Blair said quickly, then took a large swig of alcohol out of the bottle. Chuck paused for a second, and then took an even bigger swig. Blair stared._

"_What are you looking at Waldorf?" he said. She shook her head._

"_I never…read your diary that one time I slept over," Chuck said. Blair gaped at him, offended. Suddenly, she hit him with a book. "I feel like my personal space has been violated!"_

"_OK! Calm down," Chuck said. "It wasn't that interesting anyway. I put it down after I read all about how you want to marry Nate in a big white castle with a carriage and horses and all that bull—"_

"_CHARLES BASS!"_

"_You said I had to be truthful," Chuck said, which only earned him a glare from Blair. " Fine. Let's just play the game."_

"_Fine," Blair said through her teeth, glaring at him. "I never…bought every hydrangea in that floral shop on Fifth just so I would be the only one who had them for my birthday party this year." She laughed with Chuck and took a drink._

"_Actually," Blair said, becoming drunkenly thoughtful, "I didn't." Chuck looked at her and grinned, not believing her. "No, really. I actually only _told_ everyone I did that. I don't really know who bought all of those hydrangeas. But the morning after I went there, they were all delivered to me. I walked in and they were all spread out in my foyer. A thousand hydrangeas in different colors all with one note on them." _

_She paused. Chuck waited. Her forehead wrinkled like she was trying hard to remember something. "It said, '_Something this beautiful deserves to be given to someone worthy of their beauty. Happy Birthday B.'_" Blair now had a tear in her eye. "I know it was Nate. He wanted me to have a great birthday, didn't he? Even though he isn't here, he wanted me to be happy, right?"_

_Chuck didn't answer her, and after a while she just looked down and pushed the bottle over to him, indicating that it was his turn again. Chuck seemed to be thinking for a couple of seconds, then he opened his mouth and it all spilled out. Maybe Chuck was just really drunk, maybe he was completely sober._

"_I never bought all of those hydrangeas for you," Chuck said, looking directly at Blair. Her chocolate eyes flashed up and met his dark brown, almost black, ones. The tear slid down her face. Chuck wasn't sure if she was crying because she was happy he did something nice for her, or because she now knew that Nate didn't really care at all._

_Blair sniffled and looked up at him, tears in her eyes, but a smile on her face. Well, that was his answer then._

"_Thank you Chuck," Blair whispered._

"_No problem," he said back, getting up to go, feeling a little awkward all of a sudden. Suddenly he felt a large object hit him in the back. Blair had thrown her shoe at him and was now standing up, heaving breaths and looking ready to pounce._

"_What was that for Waldorf?!" Chuck said, confused, as he rubbed the back of his head. He didn't turn around though._

"_Turn around," Blair barely breathed, but her voice held only command, no room for questions._

"_Why?" Chuck questioned her skeptically as he turned. Chuck was truly the only man alive that was stupid enough to question Blair Waldorf, yet suave enough to be able to get out of every situation with her unscathed. Chuck had learned to never question Blair Waldorf, yet he always did it. He held a small satisfaction every time she playfully slapped him or giggled at his pervy comments before telling him what a jerk he was. Blair could, despite popular belief, be fun sometimes._

_Nevertheless, Blair was not one to take absurdly dangerous risks, and Chuck was therefore surprised to turn around and be met with the force of Blair's mouth. She kissed him and, against all reason, he kissed her back. He parted his mouth and she sighed into it, holding his face in her hands. After a couple of minutes, she broke the kiss and opened her eyes. His eyes were still shut as if he was trying to mentally record this moment for future referencing. Finally, he opened his eyes. He held Blair in his arms, even though he had no recollection of having put his arms around her. He stared down into her eyes and she stared up into his. Slowly, she raised herself back up and grazed her lips against his, whispering, "For this." Then her lips locked against his again. This time he made no argument and only held her tighter as she kissed him passionately._

_And that was how Blair Waldorf had her first real kiss._

_--_

"Well that's good," Blair said, coming out of her memory. "Cause this is gin. As it should be."

She continued to hold out the glass and Jenny took it, taking a small sip.

Obviously pleased, Blair turned to the other girls and asked, "OK. So who's ready for a game of Truth or Dare?"

"Oh I love Truth or Dare!" Jenny said.

"Maybe. But not the way we play," Blair said mischievously.

"Well, how do you play?" Jenny said, frowning.

--

"Surprise," Jenny whispered, sneaking into Eric's room at the Ostroff Center. He flipped over on his bed, closing his magazine as he got up to greet her. "Your S.O.S. was heard and answered," Jenny continued as a mischievous smile broke out on her face. "We're breaking you out," she explained when he looked confused, as she threw a coat at him.

"Wait," he said, faltering as he nimbly caught the coat. "What do you mean _we_?"

--

Blair stumbled up to the nurses' center in a red trench coat lugging a black leather bag with a long strap that she had stolen out of her mother's rarely used collection of pocketbooks. Her face look dilapidated. There was red lipstick smeared on and around her lips and her eye shadow reached around her eyes making her look like a raccoon. Her hair was curly and all over the place as she pushed it out of her face and said to the head nurse, "I have a problem."

To the nurse, this much seemed evident.

"I have a big problem," Blair practically sang, leaning on the counter and smiling at the nurse. "And it starts with a capital Rx." She smiled wickedly.

The nurse didn't crack a smile. "What drugs have you been taking?" she asked seriously.

"Mmmm," Blair groaned, looking up at the ceiling and holding the sides of her face almost as if she had a headache, so that her hair got even more messed up. "Caffeine. Nicotine," she started. "Gitomine. KHT. PHP. JSP. LSD. Jerazdiapam. Fleurazipam…" she trailed off and then looked back at the nurse, still holding the sides of her face. "All the pams really," she said happily. "I don't discriminate."

The nurse looked at her wide-eyed, obviously alarmed, and picked up the phone. "Apparently not," she said disapprovingly as she dialed a number and said, "Code Yellow. Floor 6." She hung up then said, "Why don't you wait right here? I'll get a doctor."

"And I'd _love_ a cappuccino," Blair called to her as she walked away. As soon as she saw that the nurse had walked around the corner, she straightened up and ran to Eric's room, which was marked by nothing but a dull and nondescript door.

Blair suddenly realized the meaning of the word _institutionalized._ It was gorgeous here. They did everything they could to cover-up the fact that this was a mental hospital, to make the patients feel at home. Each of these efforts was a cover-up of illness, weakness, and insecurity. These qualities had to be hidden until fixed. It wasn't because they were unacceptable in and of themselves. Many a wealthy Upper East Sider had been to rehab, had drug overdoses and plastic surgery, had a drinking problem or was sent to jail. It was because to let the world _know_ you were weak and ill, well, that would be unthinkable. But all those efforts just made it clearer to Blair how trapped the people in this place were. The world that they created was dull and enclosed. To deny the beautifully fake world they had made, just for you, would be blasphemy. It would go against all the moral codes of the Upper East Side and they saw that as betrayal. Not just betrayal of them, but also betrayal of the lifestyle you were born into and were therefore resigned to live. Secrecy was of the utmost importance, and if you didn't enjoy every second of the fake world you lived in, it was a transgression of all that was believed by the fabulously wealthy. Living your life here was, in and of itself, torturous. Even if you weren't crazy or troubled when you got here, by the time you spent more than 3 days within these walls, within this fake world they had created, you were guaranteed some mental troubles. Blair wasn't sure where this fake world ended and her world began.

As she opened the door, Eric looked at her and stopped, obviously disconcerted that this plan involved Blair. It didn't help her case that she looked like a crazy woman.

"I heard you were bored, and I figured I owed you one," Blair explained, rolling her eyes at him and explaining her reasoning.

"More like fifty," Eric said gratefully, as they rushed out of his room and down the elevator.

--

Serena might have been the worst player in the history of pool players. Dan reflected on the things he hadn't known about this girl until now. There was much more to her than he had thought. She wasn't into fancy restaurants. She was funny and she loved to have a good time. She was cute when she pouted and he found he couldn't resist her when she asked him to teach her how to play pool.

As Dan leaned over her, she looked up at him and smiled and he smiled back reassuringly. She hit the ball, but it missed by the tiniest fraction of an inch. He straightened up and she looked at him. He was surprised that she was still smiling after she had just missed.

"Oh! This is my song," she said radiantly, finding yet _another_ thing to be happy about. "Finally!" She jumped up and started dancing around. Serena seemed to be endlessly happy about all the small things in life and she didn't let most things bother her like any other person would. She was content with enjoying the small details.

"I didn't know you liked this type of music," Dan said, smiling at her crazy, yet attractive dance. Rock. She likes rock.

She sidled up to him and grabbed his hands, pulling him to the dance floor and pouting at him playfully. "I think we've already established the many things you don't know about me," Serena said as he spun her and her golden hair formed a halo-like ring around her head. She seemed to be a never-ending ball of sunshine and positivity. She it seemed would always surprise him.

Serena got closer to him and just as they were about to kiss, his phone went off. She started giggling. "Either that's you're phone vibrating in your pocket, or you're just happy to see me," Serena said seriously then she burst out laughing as Dan smirked at her and checked the caller ID. Seeing that it was his dad, he frowned. He wouldn't call unless it was something important. He answered the phone as Serena broke off from him and went to stand by the pool table again.

Serena leaned against the pool table. She really was having a great time tonight. This had been better than she had expected it would be. At first she hadn't been so sure, what with the fancy restaurant and the expensive entrées. It just didn't seem like Dan. She wanted the authentic Dan Humphrey experience and now she was getting it. They had taken a cab down to the meatpacking district and they were now at a great bar that Dan knew. Serena didn't know this part of the city except for Buddakan and the Chelsea Piers. However, Dan would soon find out that she was always up for something new.

She really liked Dan, genuinely liked him. Not only because he was cute and nice and funny, but also because he was so different from everyone else in her life. Not like Chuck with his brooding and darkly sarcastic manner. Not like Blair with her uptight plans and rules and social interactions. And not like…dare she think it? Why not? It wasn't like she wasn't over him, but she knew that she shouldn't be thinking about him when he was Blair's boyfriend. Any feelings she had once had for him were now dead and buried in the storage closet of her mind which also held her past—which was only her past because she was now with Dan. Which was her point. Dan was better, more innocent. And however much she had liked Nate, he—well, they—had done something horrible. She hated to be with someone like that and this was part of the reason she liked Dan. When she looked at him, she didn't see herself. Dan made her want to be a better person. He was her moral compass.

Serena was only half listening to Dan's conversation until she heard her brother's name. "Eric?" she said, alarmed. She and Dan shared a look. They both knew this couldn't be good. If Eric wasn't at the Offstroff Center…well then he could be anywhere. Dan's father didn't know, but they definitely did. Eric could have run away. The possibilities seemed endless and Serena didn't want to wait to find out what some of those might be.

Dan hung up the phone and shared a look with Serena. He saw the fresh panic in her eyes. She walked over to him and he whipped out his phone again, dialing Eric as she read off the numbers to him. The phone rung three times before Eric answered.

"Hello? Who is this?" Eric practically yelled. Dan could hear loud music in the background.

"Hey," Dan said. "This is Dan Humphrey. I'm…on a date with Serena."

"Then what are you doing calling me?" Eric questioned, laughing. "I mean, I know she's a handful, but asking her little brother for advice? Not a cool move."

"Yeah, yeah," Dan said, smiling at this kid. He kind of liked him. In fact he _did_ like him. There was something congenial and understanding about him. No one could not like Eric. "I know, she's great."

"You really like her, don't you," Eric said as more of a statement, surprise in his voice.

"Yeah," Dan exhaled, quite nervous. "I really do."

"Do you think you'll get a kiss at the end of this date?" Eric questioned him expertly.

"I'm not sure yet," Dan said, more nervous now. He hadn't thought about that. "Although you may or may not help to strengthen my hopes."

"Yeah," Eric said, laughing the same radiant laugh as Serena. "Nothing says a good date like saving a runaway little brother from the Big Bad Waldorf." In the background, Dan heard Blair yell 'Come on Eric! Play nice!'

"Yeah, I see your point," Dan rubbed his eyes, "but that wasn't why I was calling…You see, I—"

Serena took the phone from him. "Eric? Is that you?" she questioned worriedly. "Are you OK?"

Dan saw Serena relax a little. "Who are you with?" Her shoulders stiffened. "Really? I thought she would have known better, especially after the Ivy Week mixer." A pause. "No, don't come here. I'll come there." Another pause. "Yeah, we'll be there in fifteen minutes. Stay put." Another pause. "I'll tell him. Bye." She smiled, and then hung up.

"Tell me what?" Dan questioned as they exited the bar and she signaled for a cab.

"He said to tell you that he thinks you'll do just fine," she said. "Oh and he said 'good luck'. What does he mean?"

"I have no idea," Dan said. A cab stopped for them and Dan opened the door, letting Serena slide in first. He looked out at the night sky and wondered what Eric van der Woodsen was thinking by trusting him.

--

"I can't believe you did this," Serena accused. Blair stood across from her on the sidewalk outside the club whose music was still blaring out just the tiniest amount and causing Blair to lose focus on what Serena was trying to say. There were traces of lipstick still on her face, her eyes still raccoon-like. She looked crazy.

"I didn't do anything wrong," Blair said, frustrated with Serena's uptight attitude. Serena used to be a little fun; now she was just a hypocrite. "He wanted out. I just helped him." She motioned to Eric who stood boldly next to her, his arms crossed and his eyebrows raised.

"Yeah Serena. I wasn't kidnapped. I left of my own free will," Eric said exasperatedly. "Blair was trying to do me a favor."

Serena just looked worriedly at him with her arms crossed. He continued to explain himself to her. If anything, Eric was logical. "I mean, the trouble I'm in….it was worth it. To be out after dark, to talk to someone who wasn't you or mom. Even if it was _Blair_," he said, his eyebrows rose at having taken Blair up on her plan tonight, even though she had looked like roadkill. "No offense," he added, turning to Blair.

"None taken," Blair said smugly, not even looking at Eric as she crossed her arms in victory and smiled at Serena.

"Well," Serena said, struggling with the right thing to do, a frown still on her face. She couldn't find anything wrong with this situation really. Everyone was OK and in the same place. Finally she gave up trying to accuse someone of something and smiled, nodding at Eric. "I guess since you're OK and mom knows you're fine, there's no real reason to rush home, so why don't we walk?"

Blair rolled her eyes at the siblings and started walking away. "Call me," she called out behind her.

"I will," Serena said hopefully.

"I was talking to Eric," Blair said, in that Blair way of hers where Serena wasn't sure whether she was being a bitch or not. Eric looked down at his phone as Serena made a confused face at Blair, trying to figure out her mood.

"What was that?" Serena asked as they began to walk.

"I know!" Eric said, thumbing through his contacts. "Do you really think that she put her number in my phone?"

Serena looked at him with an annoyed look on her face and kept walking.

Dan watched as Jenny ran back to her flock and then turned around as Serena and Eric traipsed up, two golden angels in the dark night.

"It's getting late," Serena said reluctantly. "I better take him back to the center."

"I'll come with you," Dan offered.

"You don't have to," Serena said kindly, excusing him from the situation.

Dan looked at her oddly for a second, then he smiled like she was missing out on a private joke. "I _want_ to," Dan qualified. Serena smiled at him, obviously happy with this response. Dan looked at Serena and leaned just the smallest amount but then…

"Oh my god."

"What?" Serena stopped, alarmed. She spun around quickly and glanced around. Finally she spotted Eric who had stopped a couple of feet behind her and was looking down at his phone. He had on a blank and slightly disturbed look that was just the slightest bit eerie with the bright white light from his LCD phone's screen casting shadows across his left cheek and under his eyes. Finally he looked up at her, his eyes scared.

"She put herself as my number 3 speed dial."

Eric's face broke out into a smile and Serena made an angry noise at Eric for scaring her like that then gave him a playful shove causing them both to break out into laughter as they walked back to the center. Dan was still shocked from what had maybe almost just happened. Nevertheless, he shook out of his reverie and jogged to catch up with the golden pair.

--

Jenny rode up in the Waldorf elevator for the second time that night. The difference between the two times was immense. The first time, a young girl had rode up. The second, a young woman. The first, scared. The second, confidant. Jenny had changed tonight. Talking with Dan had made her realize who she was. There was someone inside of her that was waiting to get out and, so far, the elevator had been the only to witness this transformation.

She stepped out of the decadent elevator into an even more decadent foyer. Blair and the other girls were dozing in the living room on their beds. Her entrance woke Blair up, making her rub her eyes delicately and stretch before eyeing her skeptically, as though she doubted her existence in her foyer.

"Catch," Jenny said, throwing the keys back at Blair who caught them nimbly, still captivated by Jenny's presence.

"Jenny," she said, mildly impressed to say the least. "Looks like you came to play after all." She eyed her. "You know which trundle bed is yours." She patted the silk-sheeted bed next to her. "Sleep well. You've earned it."

Jenny eyed the bed and then looked back at Blair. "Actually," she said, "I'm going home. But thanks for inviting me. It was a blast."

Blair looked affronted by the cockiness in her attitude. No one ever spoke to her that way and that wasn't about to change, but this Jenny had quite the potential.

"What do you mean you're going home? Nobody ever leaves a sleepover," Blair said, insulted.

"I guess there's a first time for everything," Jenny said snootily. "Oh, and I'm keeping the jacket. If that's OK with you." She turned towards the elevator as Blair raised her eyebrows at the nerve of this girl. She turned back and smiled. "Monday…lunch on the steps?" Jenny may have been confidant now, but she still needed Blair's approval.

Blair eyed her, dressed head to toe in her clothes and decided that she had definite potential. She was the new top of the projects pile. "Done and done," she said as though it were a business deal, which it almost was.

Jenny entered the elevator, her blonde curls bouncing as she walked. She turned and Blair would never forget the smile on her face. Jenny smiled the same wicked smile as Blair herself had smiled the day before and the elevator door shut on the face she knew quite well: her own.

--

Dan and Serena walked back to the Palace hotel from the Ostroff Center. That place had really bugged him in a way that was below his skin. He felt like just visiting it had transferred something of a societal understanding, an ethical code to him that he had to follow now that he was _one of them_.

"Well," Dan said as he rubbed his face. "I can see why your brother would want to get out of that place. It's very…depressing."

"Yet it's designed to treat depression," Serena stated simply.

"Eric's a good kid," Dan said. Wow, that was an understatement.

"Jenny's not so bad either," Serena said, looking down.

"Well, I worry about her," Dan said. "She's never mentioned to me that her idea of a perfect night would be painting her face with makeup and stumbling out to a hip bar in high heels and hanging out with a bunch of drunk businessmen."

"Worry looks cute on you," Serena said, giggling, then she sobered up. "From what I've seen Jenny is strong. She won't let herself be pushed into anything she doesn't want to do. Maybe tonight wasn't her ideal night."

"What do you mean?" Dan said, stopping.

"It's OK for her to want to be friends with the people she goes to school with," Serena said, her eyebrows raised.

"Why?" Dan said bitterly. "I'm not."

"Well," Serena said playfully. "If you made half the effort she did, maybe we would have met a long time ago…And maybe you would have kissed me already." She looked slyly over at Dan and caught his eye. She laughed her four-year-old laugh and he smiled at her, looking down.

"So.." he said, turning to her. "No five star restaurants…No towncar."

"No pokey pool hall or bad eighties music," Serena said smiling as she turned and looked up at him.

"Looks like we've finally found common ground," Dan said softly as he looked down at her. His hand moved up to her face and he leaned down. No distractions, no calls. This was them. He kissed her softly and she deepened the kiss. Finally, they broke apart and she looked up at him, smiling a huge smile. When Dan saw that smile, he knew that Eric had been right. Serena wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him again. For the first time in years, Dan thought clearly. Clearer than he ever had. Now he was sure of it. Eric was far smarter than either he or Serena. In fact, this was probably his plan the whole time. Dan looked up to the night sky and silently thanked the heavens for Eric van der Woodsen.

_--_

_xoxo Gossip Girl_


End file.
